Brave Enough to be Voluntarily Homeless

Hmmmmm, what is a "home"?

[space to think before continuing]

I have written on this before. Today is similar, but much more...

For us, home is our van. And, yes, I mean literally. Our RV has become storage. We have chosen to live in our van. Last year, when we tried it but got frozen out, I dubbed it vanpacking -- it's like backpacking, but the van does all the work :)

I kinda love it.

Most people will not get it. That's okay ♥ I am not speaking to them. I'm speaking to you, the gypsy-at-heart, the radical minimalist, the serious out-of-the-box thinker.

Our simple life

Can you do it?

Can you step away from the chatter in your head and the conditioned fear and resistance, and glimpse the beauty, the joy, the connection, the delicious simplicity, the reprieve?

Mmmmm, yes. There it is.

The thick condensation on the window is distorting the colored lights that surround the dark parking lot, creating a muddled watercolor painting on an illuminated wall.

I breathe, soaking it in.

Beauty. Peace. Simplicity.

A treasure.

Gratitude.

Sink deeper into my moment.

I breathe and it makes me smile :)

Soft sweet dreads in my nose smell of the memory of a long delicious day of swimming, the freshness of the shower that resulted, and that crisp easy feeling afterward of a day well-spent & a sleepy body.

Still breathing.

Mmm. The sweet dreads & mingling scent of freshly laundered sheets. How easy it is so keep everything clean, when the lot of what we have is so simple and tending to it & the simple needs of our life encompasses the bulk of our life.

Just the way I wanted it.

Fresh sheets, fresh dreads, a family of 4 cuddling like sardines in a warm cozy bed.

Isn't this what life is all about?

It is. It really is.


We live in a beautiful, kind, green, enlightened, artful, kick-back, beachy community.

5 big differences about living in your van vs. a house:

• we retire after a long day to the bed in the back of the van, rather than a building
• we are in our community & visiting beloveds much more often
• we don't cook or wash dishes, and we clean our home while parked next to a playground
• we drive somewhere to pee (or park near a restroom)
• we don't have company over often

My kids each have their own little space and a bag or 2 or more (oldest child) of toys, books, drawing utensils, technology, and the like.

We have the means to charge stuff in the van, but don't need to often. We frequent the library almost daily, and our sleep rhythms are very in tune with the nature so close to our lives.

When we need downtime, we cozy into the privacy of our van parked near free wifi and watch Netflix, draw, read, write. Sometimes, after the babies have fallen asleep, my oldest and I will drive down to the beach and talk in the dark, looking out over the still black water and the white waves rolling in.

The little ones love to jump on the bed, wrestle, wrap themselves up in the blankets, build forts in the back. So many aspects of life no different than if we were in a house.

On Halloween, my son knew so many kids (and parents) we encountered downtown, from our days at the library or the parks we frequent, that he said it was the best Halloween ever!

Everyday, people compliment me on how incredible he is & fun to talk with. Not to mention adorable.

Each of my kids are adored by so many regulars in our life, who fill or hearts & lives with their blessings.

Most days, we eat fresh, mainly organic & raw foods. Salads, wraps, fruits & veggies from Whole Foods & Trader Joes, or day-old pastries from Starbucks, donated to our local community resource center, where we spend most mornings of the week awaiting our daily rations and hanging out with some interesting, kind, & incredible people in similar situations and all walks of life, who adore my kids and me, and we them. Good people. Soul-delicious company.

I have been told that a couple of really sweet and wonderful people lit up & seemed to come alive when my kids and I rolled into town a couple months ago. Just as we lit up when they came into our life, too.

It rained last week. We were dry, but I wondered for some of my friends, who have less shelter than we do. I often find myself wondering how I can continue to connect and be involved in this community once our life shifts and is ready for something different. I think about what I can do now. I think I might be doing it. Or at least a bit of it.

This area makes for amazing people, regardless of their house-status.

A few evenings a week we enjoy hot dinners with our friends and fun, positive, church-folk who serve home-made delicious meals, warm eyes & smiles, and no side of religion forced down our throats. Bonus: we usually leave with a to-go box!

Our meager monthly income can be alloted in a way that feels satisfying to my simple self. We pay our bills (cell, YMCA membership, Netflix) with ease. I can finally afford to buy a few things for my kids and myself each month. Laundry. Water. Gas.

That's about it.

We are house-free. Structure free.

Not because we wanted a cheaper lifestyle - I do not believe any of this has been cheaper than the house we last lived in - but because it felt right to move into our RV, and then it felt right to call the van homebase.

"Gypsy Goddess - Everywhere she goes, she is home. Her heart sings the song of the world..." - Leonie Dawson

Like when I shaved my head last winter and felt radiant and sexy, an Amazon warrior monk. A cleansing. Learning. Being in new ways.

This is like shaving the hair off my life. I feel radiant and light and easy. I feel grounded and flowing.

Got rid of the excess, the mask, the distractions from the essence. Now, I know what life is, what it's all about.

Our life is aligned with our values.
We thrive.
We are close & connected.
We eat healthy & move our bodies often.
We sleep cozily.
We clean & align our bodies & and our van-home daily...ish :)
We are more closely synced with nature.
We know our community intimately.
We are humble & blessed.
Our basic needs are better tended to.

And when life is this simple, I have less worries & more appreciation.

Vast open spaces for big dreaming + wild creating, reading, journalling the depths of my soul, seeing the connection between the moments of my life and the sacred & divine. Life has slowed down like slow-motion in a movie. There is depth, such depth.

Quality time with my kids is embedded in our life & woven into the tapestry of my day, alongside watching the little ones play & grow friendships & adoration for friends of all ages, and being RIGHT THERE when my oldest draws her newest picture or perfects the singing of a song or finds a new series on Netflix that she wants to devour or wants to share her latest life realization.

We are dry. We are warm. We are safe. We are clean. We are healthy. We are happy. We are connected - to each other & ourselves, and our community & friendships.

That is so what life is all about.

We live in our van. And we are living the life.

A Beginners Listening

"You have the right to be a beginner. Where you are at is exactly where you are supposed to be in your journey." - my friend to her daughter, spoken so eloquently that it has been ringing in my head, heart, and soul for over a week now.

I just love the healing that comes to me when I listen.

Especially when the listening is to my oldest daughter, who so closely mirrors so many of my own struggles.

She was struggling with a performing arts class that she was taking, feeling awkward and inadequate and out of her element, and it suddenly struck me that she was in the novice stage, which is not something she is used to experiencing.

She is a lot like me, where we jump into things and pick them up so fast that we are almost instant masters. But in this case, she wasn't.

In business, and self-kindness, and finances, I am not. What I am is a struggling beginner. Every step that I take is chocked full of learning with a heavy dose of reflection on a hurtful or absent past in these areas.

I am really really good at sitting and planning and soaking in the dreaming part, so I tried something different with my business and pushed some doing into my path.

The results are still foggy. It felt good to finish something, even just one piece of a package. I was still lost on promoting it, and now I have scrapped the whole thing and am starting afresh. Again.

Oh, me. *self chuckle*

I am back to listening again. Because I felt lost.

I can't be lost when I listen and follow my inside voice, though.

So, here I am.

Wondering if I am just not ready to be that far in my business yet.

I feel like I did when I used to have to write papers for professors. Draft after draft, trying to perfect it, then suddenly scrapping it and rewriting the whole thing so I can be done by the deadline (or just after it, as the case may be).

Only, this time, I have no professor, no deadline, no limit to my ability to perfect it.

Each time I scrap it and start over, I feel like I am peeling back another layer to how I really feel on the topic and what it is I really want to share.

It is so stankin simple to me. Is it practical to sell a whole e-book with just a couple questions in it?

I think it is meant to be an e-course, where it is more about the reader's journey, than all the things I have to say about it. And it is meant to be a unique journey, which can be a challenge when writing an e-book for everyone.

I think part of my journey right now is still wondering what my message is. I feel like a jack of all trades but a master at none. I can't narrow it down to one essential message that everything grows from. I have a feeling it is like a fish looking for water.

So, instead of feeling lost from searching with my head, I am going to step back, listen, follow, and trust that it will unfold.

I look forward to having help along the way. The chapter of wanting to do everything alone has come to a close.

I am done being a solitary and now am gathering my coven pack close.

So much is churning deep and heavy inside me. It is my Taurus moon, earthy emotions in my dark of the moon right now. Meanwhile, my light and flowy Pisces sun is just floating down the river without a care in mind. It is such an interesting and perplexing dichotomy.

I am pretty sure the churning involves money, livelihood, home, love, and sacred. Just those little things -- ha!

Even more pretty sure that this churning is winter + composty, and that Spring will bring a rebirth.

It is not even National Gratitude Day, yet, and I am already looking forward to a Yule ceremony of casting off the things that no longer serve a purpose in our life.

Normally, I would say "Why wait?" but I think my insides and the planet's outsides have truly synced. I feel like I will be perfectly ready when the 22nd of next month comes.

I have about a month to continue this churning, to reflect on what works and what doesn't, to make some decisions, to converse with my oldest about where to travel next in life, and start keeping an eye out for a place we might want to really grow our roots.

Lots to listen to.

Also, I want to listen to me more. My style. I still do a lot of "shoulds" about how I write, what I write about.

I don't share the dark murky shadow place that I glean most of my delicious insight from. I just share the end result, the wisdom I bring back, the jewels.

I want to get real here.

And I want to draw and paint.

I love writing as creative expression, and I love crafting. But I look forward to a bit more process, and a bit less product.

Art journalling. Full Moleskin journals. *soulgasm*

This blog will probably get a bit more edgy. I have tried to not offend anyone in my life for so long, tried to appeal to everyone possible and be inclusive. I don't know if I have been trained to be "nice" so very well, or if I just need to re-evaluate what being love + kindness means to authenticity.

Because sometimes, it has been at the expense of my own sacred voice.

My mom practiced Witchcraft powerfully for as long as I can remember. I learned early to keep the secrets that society didn't understand to myself.

As I reconnect more with my sacred, I will speak more on the Pagan callings of my heart. A space I have hidden and been disconnected from.

This space is so deliciously shifting. In reflection to my own life. In the manifestations of my intentions.

I hope to be here more often.

I hope to have plenty of interesting stuff to say.

I hope to get back into the "blog" writing way of thinking as I go through my day, so I can gather more delicious jewels to share with you here.

I love you. So very much.

And I am so thankful to have you here, reading the words of my heart.

In Gratitude.

Yummy Yummy Life

Yes, it is THAT yummy.

Hello, my love *this is where I would enter a script-heart if my blog didn't think it was a messed up HTML code*

Hello.

Hello.

Oh, how I have missed connecting with you.

I have so much deliciousness to share.

Life is bountiful and simple and sacred and full of space for dreaming and fantasy planning and real planning and allowing things to unfold as I take one perfect aligned and delicious step at a time.

I have been thick in creation-mode, even though the laptop gods saw fit to make me take a break from mine for almost a month (I am on a brand new one right now that I ADORE). I have been thinking in imagination flow about how I want to wrap up my Whole Family Learning e-package (formerly known as Growing a Whole Child), and how I am going to completely revamp my A Powerful Birth e-package (formerly known as just Powerful Birth - I like the shift an A brings).

I have been even thicker in information inputting, reflecting, and soaking the good stuff in. I just knew Pixie Campbell would have some medicine for my soul, so I started reading her blog from the beginning (I am about 3 years in now), sorting through it with a fine toothed comb, journal ready, pen in hand. Oh, such delicious healing. And arrows to my new steps in life.

Visions flowing out of me. I used to dream my visions for the future, and now they flow out of me while I am awake. I know I am channeling. They way it flows out astounds me, and I LOVE what I see and the internal healing that ensues, knowing the limitless possibilities of time means that I can bathe in the future "fixes" by feeling the healing today. I am feeling more connected to my destined role of medicine woman, shaman, inner journey woman, fearless shadow visitor, storyteller, story re-interpreter.

And then there is the life experiencing. Feeling so very aligned, releasing fear and control, opening up to humble blessings, and enjoying the results. So clear. So delicious. So chocked full of learning.

We have brought life down to the most basic for the winter, so I can focus my energy on the deep healing and planting I do during this time.

Creating wide open spaces for growing new things. Products galore. Sacred sisterhood circles. Financial reprieve to set us up for a successful new year.

I was feeling scared, and I was feeling alone, and I was feeling drawn away from the nomad life. And then I had a huge epiphany. The epiphany was that this last year has been so stressful because I am used to jumping into things and being an instant master, but I am not used to being such an awkward learner, and this has been some serious learning.

Once I realized that the sky opened up and the universe shone down upon me. There wasn't something wrong with me. I was just learning. I was a novice. It wasn't coming naturally to me. It was completely new and different.

And this wasn't the first time. There NEVER was something wrong with me. I was always just on a learning journey.

And suddenly I realized that the super hard, overwhelming, "I can't take this" was a transition, like in birth (when the mama suddenly thinks it is too much and she can't take it and she can't do it), on the precipus of something epic and huge and incredible. If I had stopped when it got hard, if I had backed away, I would have missed the ginormous lesson, the opportunity to rebirth my life with this new understanding and sense of capability and limitless possibility, or to be reborn through my experience.

And now life. Ah, life. Yummy yummy life.

Living the simple. Experiencing the abundant. Loving the BEing.

Vanpacking. We are up to it again. Must be something about this time of year.

We had talk of selling the RV. On Facebook, I wrote, "I don't know where we are headed, but i know this: I create miracles, and we manifest incredible life experiences. I take leaps of faith, and nets appear. So, I'm going with that :)"

I want to live a life that grows from inspiration and brilliant zinging bliss, and I was feeling so stuck with the RV and so out of alignment. So, as we prepped it to put into storage yesterday, and it was empty and clean, I realized how much I really really love it. It is boondocking that leaves me feeling ick, not our beloved Gypsy Goddess. I want to keep her. So, we are going to put her in storage, to keep her safe from the registration-enforcers, and grow my income, so we can get her all legit, find a cozy spot to call home, and enjoy life. 

I look forward to having a nice monthly spot that we love that is close to Kass' fabulous school in the incredible city we are so blessed to call home right now. And I look forward to tempering that with some deep serious travelling in the summer. My gypsy blood is itching.

I can't give up this life yet - I haven't even travelled yet!!! LOL 

So, we are looking to find a delicious combination of local living and travel adventures. I want to steal away whenever Kass has a break from school. (Thankfully, she only goes 2 days a week, so a "week" off school, is actually closer to 2 weeks.)

The missing link between here and there is just money. Well, maybe a bit of sisterhood, too.

So, I have been prepping my soil, especially most recently, and I am gearing up to ease into this new journey.

Which reminds me of another piece of my patchwork path of learning. Previously, I lept into new experiences. I would make a mad dash for the finish line. I tried to skip the awkward learning phases.

I had a vision recently, where I envisioned myself in a new foreign city. My first inclination is to rush through, to fly past the discomfort in my gut. And I realized that once my babies are old enough to be okay without me for a week, I need to take a retreat to India alone. I need to practice moving slowly in a new place, by myself, so I can really focus on my internals during the process. And I want to stay in an ashram, so I can sink into some soul work during the journey.

Well, during this money and sisterhood learning, I am going to sink deeply and slowly. I have learned so much about leaning into learning, and I have been dabbling in quickness. But quick-fix is not going to work at this next step. Once I have my grounding, my footing I hope I can start leaping and flying and such. But for now, the naturally-embedded detours and early learning should be sufficient challenge :)

Well, my love. I am sure there is a whole heckavalot more I could share, but for now, this feels full.

I love you.

Thank you for being patient with my blog & biz learning, and thank you for being with me as I fumble, burst, laugh, cry, love, connect, give.

So blessed to have you by my side ♥

Will you gift me with a precious jewel from your treasure trove of money and sisterhood (comment below)? I would love to sit with it and soak in its medicine as I take in these next few steps of my journey.

I love you.

Have I told you recently how much I love you?

This reminds me of us. Maybe a whole orchard of these. Found it here.

All my love,