waking from a nightmare

My Loves ♥

I have been absent.

I have been fighting a big fight.

An hour after my last post about taking leaps of faith like a badass, CPS showed up at my friend's house, armed with allegations of medical neglect and a Sheriff, and took my kids.

I fought for 7 weeks to get them back, and now I have been fighting for the last week to recover from the experience.

Words cannot describe the hell I have been through, the trauma my children have been through, and I hope to be able to share more of it with you soon, when I can find the words, when reliving it to describe it doesn't leave me sobbing in a puddle on the ground.

It's a story that needs to be told.

What I can share is that after fighting tooth and nail for the truth to be revealed, my children were returned to me, the case dismissed, and we have no further CPS/court involvement.

Instantly. Like "poof".

Well, kinda like "poof", except for my family reeling in the aftermath.

That legal "poof" is incredibly rare. I owe the victory to Truth Revealed. And I feel like I live an epically charmed life for all of the blessings that fell into place to make this a reality. I had HUGE support from my Facetribe and a seriously dedicated team of magic-workers who helped plug me in to the resources that made this happen.

Not all families have that, and my heart breaks for them. I cannot imagine having gone through all of this without the constant ears and shoulders, encouragement, kindness, love, perspective, help, and ability to allocate such huge tasks that were set before me to such competent incredible beings.

I know this happened to me, to open me up to be more available to the families I look forward to serving.

This experience has transcended my life and my life purpose.

I hear I just leveled up.

A warrior forged by the fire of the phoenix.

Again.

Braver-er, wiser-er, heartier, take-no-bullshit-ier.

I broke. I was broken. I was shattered into heavy heavy pieces, trying to figure out how to live each moment.

I sunk deep. I tapped a deep inner source. A fire grew in my belly.

I touched the tangible primal inside me. I have raged against the night sky and in my mind and deep into the earth. I hear the primitive call of my tribe howling at the moon - my people calling for me. I feel the wild protector growing alive inside me. I feel my calling to not only help families design intentional lives but to help them prepare to protect it, because what is the point of a life intentionally designed if it can be ripped from you in a moment's notice for no good reason.

New lessons on being proactive and advocating for myself, when I used to cower. Love and kindness and peace are great, if they are a choice. But they are not powerful when they are a default of fear. And how can this be translated into helping my community?

Crystal clarity on relationships - specifically, the healthiness of certain relationships - in my life. And a "take no more shit" policy on people who mistook my kindness for weakness.

This warrior is what has transcended from the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. And there is more to me right now. I am bold, but I am also soft.

The trauma breaks my heart every day, and it sometimes cripples the empath in me. It takes some serious healing mojo to recover from something that big, especially when you feel like you have zapped your resources just to get through. How do you ask for more afterward?

But I must.

My children and I are free and clear, legally, but not emotionally or financially - our financial needs are overwhelming to me right now, after the financial waste of my resources CPS's hoops created for us. So, I set up a bit-o-fundraising, for beloveds and their beloveds who might have the heart and means to help heal us further.

This is me refusing to feel helpless in this destruction, refusing to sink into the depression of feeling "stuck" and "unable to..."


I look forward to offering my services again soon, to families, to mamas, to women, to brothers. Who could use an emotional midwife, a life design guide, a sacred mentor, and so much more.

I suspect, once I can taste my freedom, I will feel ready for that job again.

For now, what I am offering to my community is a legal service that is a buffet of legal equality, including the service that would have protected my family from the trauma of this experience. I am absolutely delighted to share this with my people, and if you want to know more about it, please feel free to contact me. This service is a win all around - it's an incredible company, offering an incredible service, to oh-so-deserving people ♥

This first post updating you all has been the hardest, and I am sure now that the dam has opened, the flow will come out easier ♥ I look forward to filling you in with the details as I can ♥

taking leaps of faith like a badass

Hello, Darling ♥

I'm in one of those moods. One of those kinds where I feel fiercely authentic and over-ready for life alignment.

Feeling seriously brave today.

Brave enough to leap into my destiny fiercely knowing that it will all work out, that no fear is worth holding back and playing life small.

I am tired of not having a hOMe. I am ready to hOMestead. I am ready to gather an intentional community of soul sisters and soul brothers. I am ready for goats and chickens and farm structure building (motivated by Pinterest pictures of repurposed materials). I am ready for an earth-grounded home. I am ready to live sustainably. I am ready to grow a business, leveraging my incredible life experiences. I am ready to open up completely to abundance. I am ready to secure myself with a savings.

I am ready. I am ready. I am ready.

So, how does one take a leap of faith like a badass?

My formula goes a little something like this:

Know that this is your undeniable destiny. Especially having tried other things that didn't light you up and didn't fulfill you because they were not your calling.

Tune in to your needs. What do you absolutely need? Make sure you have that, and be incredibly open and creative about how that can fit with your destiny. Ask yourself every moment how you need to be cared for - self-care enables you to show up ready for anything you are undertaking.

Hold a vision. Know what it looks like, feels like, tastes like, sounds like, smells like. Engage in it's vividness. Grow a vision board or alter or journal or list dedicated to every soul-delicious details of your vision. Visit it daily, carry it in your back pocket. Align your whole life energy with it.

Gather a support group. Your biggest cheerleaders. The ones who believe in you. The ones who remind you why you are doing this when you have doubts. The ones who won't let you step away because you don't think you aren't brave enough. The net you fall into every time you trip (it's a new dance, tripping happens!). The sisters and brothers who sit with you on the floor and listen to your heart and hold hands together while you stand back up, sending you off again like a father giving his most heart-felt blessing.

Face your fears and ask each of them if they can stop you. Sometimes, this requires heaps of trust that the thing will just work out in some creative way. And also trusting that what you are stepping into is better than anything you are afraid of.

Let good-intentioned folks keep their own fears. Know that their fears are their own stuff coming up for them. It really has nothing to do with you, except that you became a mirror for them. But if their fears trigger you, take a peek at them and see if they truly are a concern of yours that you want to examine, or if you were just absorbing their fear-energy ♥ Do some energy clearing and send them love and blessings, and hope that you will be a great example for them to follow their own dreams. If a dream is so precious and vulnerable, sometimes I don't even tell people until I'm in the next step (below), so they can't try to stop me. This may be a part of your self-care. And never underestimate the power of simple Ho'oponopono.

Be so ready that nothing can stop you. Grow that momentum until it cannot be stopped. Until the brakes don't even work.

Race around at the last minute to get prepared. lol This just happens to me - it's not planned, just spontaneity at it's best :) Don't let "not being completely prepared" stop you - you can check stuff off your list en route. Because the next step is more important than this one.

Leave, leap, catapult, propel. Just take a step. Just keep stepping. Just do it. Before you know it, your past is in your rearview mirror and the wind is in your sails. You freaking did it!!!!!!!

SQUEEEEEEEEE your statuses on Facebook. :) Inspire others! Let them on the ride! Maybe it's just to your support group? Or maybe this helps you get clear about who you want on your friend's list at all?

Allow the swift and powerful flow. This is the part where you would be freaking out if you tried to slam on the brakes or put a foot down in a riding down the river analogy. Just ride the ride. The longer you can ride it, the further you will get into it. And the incredible lessons you will have will blow your old self away.

Sit with your butt on the earth. And allow your head to swirl in the flow. You can be grounded AND in the flow as the same time. I highly recommend it. It's been an integral part of the processing and integration of all that has and is happening, and the continued ability to allow the swift and powerful flow.

Stay present. You are no longer who you were. You stepped into the fire, and it burned off all the old outdated stuff. You are just here, just you now. No need to try to remember who you used to be or how you used to do things. Enjoy now.

Be a lighthouse. Let your story inspire others. Speak your truth about risk-taking and faith-leaping. Encourage others to follow their dreams. Become a part of their support group. A perpetuating circle.

Rinse and repeat. Your life has been INCREDIBLE. But someday, you may feel stuck again and ready for a new adventure. Do it.



All my love,

p.s. - If you want to connect deeper on this with me. I offer love + inspiration + insight + dream-manifesting consultation + big heaping waves of support + I believe in you. All for donation. For you. Yes, you. Whether you are brand new to my blog and to meeting me, or someone who has been following in silence for a long time. If you feel called toward me to help you through anything in your life, please connect with me. It is an honor and my absolute pleasure to connect with you. I don't turn anyone away ♥ ♥ ♥ Come ♥

life + getting real with abundance

Oh, my darling!

I know it has been so long ♥

Life gets so full and so busy, and my Facebook is all I can pour myself into sometimes.

We are not in a house yet.

We are still in a bit of flux.

Our main priority to find a house got sideswiped by baby goats.

 

 

 

 

11 babies ♥ 7 mamas ♥ 1 big loving man-boy ♥

My little family is still hOMestead-dreaming ♥

We have some idea of how we would love the rest of the year to unfold - something like the rest of the summer at my mom's farm with the goats, BurntWoodsStock, Rethinking Everything, and then the big move (again) to Oregon (finally). Where we will have our hOMestead and 3 of these babies to start our very own goat herd ♥

I have a soul-delicious goals list for this summer.

What I have leapt into has been creating financial abundance for my family.

I have been thinking business and planning business and designing products for business for years.

I decided to stop planning and just show up where I am and give all that I have and be very internally clear about being ready to receive.

I remembered the feel of the parks in Oregon, when we would just spread our quilt out on the grass and offered hair rope blessings for donation. Never any worries. Just giving, loving, receiving, trusting, being, enjoying.

So, I am using that model now.

Here I am. Just showing up to love you and give you whatever I feel called toward to give you, and trusting that what you feel called toward giving back will fulfill my family's need to thrive.

I have just begun coaching for donation, and it feels incredible.

We all have stuff that is just easier to work through with someone, and I am so honored to step into a space with you and do it.

I have been hearing SUCH great feedback, too! My loves have said they feel so much lighter and they appreciate the resources and wisdom I offer. We gush with love over each other a lot, too ;)

It is such an incredible thing to finally feel like I am putting into practice all this soul-deliciousness that I have been collecting and growing for so many years.

I started going to school to be a family counselor 12 years ago. I got my BA in psychology and was ready to get into a masters program, but I looked down at my newborn son and just couldn't leave him. So, I became a homemaker, and I fell in love with that job! I found unschooling about a year after that, and our life has just been an incredible adventure and personalization ever since.

But here I am. Able to find a way to offer the healing and help I knew I wanted to AND be a single stay-at-home mama to my babies. And you know what? I am POSITIVE that the last 7 years of living have provided a WAY richer curriculum than any masters program could have.

I'm so excited to get to draw from the deep well of our incredible life to give you my light and wisdom.

I have been talking a LOT about bliss on Facebook recently, and I created a tab here on my blog, to open up a space to grow some bliss-mongering ideas and also to share a pilot program I want to do.

I have been swelling my heart with beautiful graphics like these:

 

 

I have been thinking a lot about what makes life bliss, so I can help people find their own bliss. And I have been thinking a lot about over-delivering.

 

I was so afraid to give my all for free, out of fear that people wouldn't want to give me money for my work, so I could support my family.

 

What a silly fear! I have the most beautiful and supportive beloved tribe!!! Together, we can do this. Together, we can do anything. And we have already been talking about defying limits. It's been incredible.

 

And an AMAZING thing has happened since I started giving my best stuff away for free... Are you ready for this? I've gotten even better! Whew!! Who knew!!!! It has taken me farther and stretched me in new exciting ways. And I have more to give. And people have been giving me money, and my kids and I are actually even better off financially now than we were when I was worried about giving it away for free. Teehee!

 

I just threw "donation" out into the universe, and here we are. Abundance. This is it. I freaking feel it!! It's ecstatic! ♥

 

Abundance and I just got real. We sat down and had a chat. I said, "Hey, Universe. I've got these kids that just deserve better. It's unnatural to struggle for money - and I'm doin the work to release the limits I have adopted along my way -, but in the meantime, let's make money happen, okay? My family deserves it. Including me."

 

And voila! A huge space opened up where I could see a way. And here we are :))

 

So, that is pretty much where we are right now.

 

Just livin. Just learnin. Just showing up. Just giving my all to my people. Just dreamin super big and looking forward to not being afraid to manifest that bigness.

 

Will you join me?

 

I would love to connect with you, in your journey. I would love to hear if you resonate with any part of my journey. I would love to talk more - e-mail or on Facebook. I would love to sit with your wonderings and see what insight I feel drawn toward sharing with you.

 

I am still learning how to describe my style. I have a lot of cool analogies and some words that resonate. I hope you can feel my style and know if you feel drawn toward me, and if you do, e-mail me, message me on facebook - let's connect ♥ And we can connect hearts and play in some sacred heart space ♥

 

Let's do it. Let's just do it.