A Beginners Listening

"You have the right to be a beginner. Where you are at is exactly where you are supposed to be in your journey." - my friend to her daughter, spoken so eloquently that it has been ringing in my head, heart, and soul for over a week now.

I just love the healing that comes to me when I listen.

Especially when the listening is to my oldest daughter, who so closely mirrors so many of my own struggles.

She was struggling with a performing arts class that she was taking, feeling awkward and inadequate and out of her element, and it suddenly struck me that she was in the novice stage, which is not something she is used to experiencing.

She is a lot like me, where we jump into things and pick them up so fast that we are almost instant masters. But in this case, she wasn't.

In business, and self-kindness, and finances, I am not. What I am is a struggling beginner. Every step that I take is chocked full of learning with a heavy dose of reflection on a hurtful or absent past in these areas.

I am really really good at sitting and planning and soaking in the dreaming part, so I tried something different with my business and pushed some doing into my path.

The results are still foggy. It felt good to finish something, even just one piece of a package. I was still lost on promoting it, and now I have scrapped the whole thing and am starting afresh. Again.

Oh, me. *self chuckle*

I am back to listening again. Because I felt lost.

I can't be lost when I listen and follow my inside voice, though.

So, here I am.

Wondering if I am just not ready to be that far in my business yet.

I feel like I did when I used to have to write papers for professors. Draft after draft, trying to perfect it, then suddenly scrapping it and rewriting the whole thing so I can be done by the deadline (or just after it, as the case may be).

Only, this time, I have no professor, no deadline, no limit to my ability to perfect it.

Each time I scrap it and start over, I feel like I am peeling back another layer to how I really feel on the topic and what it is I really want to share.

It is so stankin simple to me. Is it practical to sell a whole e-book with just a couple questions in it?

I think it is meant to be an e-course, where it is more about the reader's journey, than all the things I have to say about it. And it is meant to be a unique journey, which can be a challenge when writing an e-book for everyone.

I think part of my journey right now is still wondering what my message is. I feel like a jack of all trades but a master at none. I can't narrow it down to one essential message that everything grows from. I have a feeling it is like a fish looking for water.

So, instead of feeling lost from searching with my head, I am going to step back, listen, follow, and trust that it will unfold.

I look forward to having help along the way. The chapter of wanting to do everything alone has come to a close.

I am done being a solitary and now am gathering my coven pack close.

So much is churning deep and heavy inside me. It is my Taurus moon, earthy emotions in my dark of the moon right now. Meanwhile, my light and flowy Pisces sun is just floating down the river without a care in mind. It is such an interesting and perplexing dichotomy.

I am pretty sure the churning involves money, livelihood, home, love, and sacred. Just those little things -- ha!

Even more pretty sure that this churning is winter + composty, and that Spring will bring a rebirth.

It is not even National Gratitude Day, yet, and I am already looking forward to a Yule ceremony of casting off the things that no longer serve a purpose in our life.

Normally, I would say "Why wait?" but I think my insides and the planet's outsides have truly synced. I feel like I will be perfectly ready when the 22nd of next month comes.

I have about a month to continue this churning, to reflect on what works and what doesn't, to make some decisions, to converse with my oldest about where to travel next in life, and start keeping an eye out for a place we might want to really grow our roots.

Lots to listen to.

Also, I want to listen to me more. My style. I still do a lot of "shoulds" about how I write, what I write about.

I don't share the dark murky shadow place that I glean most of my delicious insight from. I just share the end result, the wisdom I bring back, the jewels.

I want to get real here.

And I want to draw and paint.

I love writing as creative expression, and I love crafting. But I look forward to a bit more process, and a bit less product.

Art journalling. Full Moleskin journals. *soulgasm*

This blog will probably get a bit more edgy. I have tried to not offend anyone in my life for so long, tried to appeal to everyone possible and be inclusive. I don't know if I have been trained to be "nice" so very well, or if I just need to re-evaluate what being love + kindness means to authenticity.

Because sometimes, it has been at the expense of my own sacred voice.

My mom practiced Witchcraft powerfully for as long as I can remember. I learned early to keep the secrets that society didn't understand to myself.

As I reconnect more with my sacred, I will speak more on the Pagan callings of my heart. A space I have hidden and been disconnected from.

This space is so deliciously shifting. In reflection to my own life. In the manifestations of my intentions.

I hope to be here more often.

I hope to have plenty of interesting stuff to say.

I hope to get back into the "blog" writing way of thinking as I go through my day, so I can gather more delicious jewels to share with you here.

I love you. So very much.

And I am so thankful to have you here, reading the words of my heart.

In Gratitude.

Yummy Yummy Life

Yes, it is THAT yummy.

Hello, my love *this is where I would enter a script-heart if my blog didn't think it was a messed up HTML code*

Hello.

Hello.

Oh, how I have missed connecting with you.

I have so much deliciousness to share.

Life is bountiful and simple and sacred and full of space for dreaming and fantasy planning and real planning and allowing things to unfold as I take one perfect aligned and delicious step at a time.

I have been thick in creation-mode, even though the laptop gods saw fit to make me take a break from mine for almost a month (I am on a brand new one right now that I ADORE). I have been thinking in imagination flow about how I want to wrap up my Whole Family Learning e-package (formerly known as Growing a Whole Child), and how I am going to completely revamp my A Powerful Birth e-package (formerly known as just Powerful Birth - I like the shift an A brings).

I have been even thicker in information inputting, reflecting, and soaking the good stuff in. I just knew Pixie Campbell would have some medicine for my soul, so I started reading her blog from the beginning (I am about 3 years in now), sorting through it with a fine toothed comb, journal ready, pen in hand. Oh, such delicious healing. And arrows to my new steps in life.

Visions flowing out of me. I used to dream my visions for the future, and now they flow out of me while I am awake. I know I am channeling. They way it flows out astounds me, and I LOVE what I see and the internal healing that ensues, knowing the limitless possibilities of time means that I can bathe in the future "fixes" by feeling the healing today. I am feeling more connected to my destined role of medicine woman, shaman, inner journey woman, fearless shadow visitor, storyteller, story re-interpreter.

And then there is the life experiencing. Feeling so very aligned, releasing fear and control, opening up to humble blessings, and enjoying the results. So clear. So delicious. So chocked full of learning.

We have brought life down to the most basic for the winter, so I can focus my energy on the deep healing and planting I do during this time.

Creating wide open spaces for growing new things. Products galore. Sacred sisterhood circles. Financial reprieve to set us up for a successful new year.

I was feeling scared, and I was feeling alone, and I was feeling drawn away from the nomad life. And then I had a huge epiphany. The epiphany was that this last year has been so stressful because I am used to jumping into things and being an instant master, but I am not used to being such an awkward learner, and this has been some serious learning.

Once I realized that the sky opened up and the universe shone down upon me. There wasn't something wrong with me. I was just learning. I was a novice. It wasn't coming naturally to me. It was completely new and different.

And this wasn't the first time. There NEVER was something wrong with me. I was always just on a learning journey.

And suddenly I realized that the super hard, overwhelming, "I can't take this" was a transition, like in birth (when the mama suddenly thinks it is too much and she can't take it and she can't do it), on the precipus of something epic and huge and incredible. If I had stopped when it got hard, if I had backed away, I would have missed the ginormous lesson, the opportunity to rebirth my life with this new understanding and sense of capability and limitless possibility, or to be reborn through my experience.

And now life. Ah, life. Yummy yummy life.

Living the simple. Experiencing the abundant. Loving the BEing.

Vanpacking. We are up to it again. Must be something about this time of year.

We had talk of selling the RV. On Facebook, I wrote, "I don't know where we are headed, but i know this: I create miracles, and we manifest incredible life experiences. I take leaps of faith, and nets appear. So, I'm going with that :)"

I want to live a life that grows from inspiration and brilliant zinging bliss, and I was feeling so stuck with the RV and so out of alignment. So, as we prepped it to put into storage yesterday, and it was empty and clean, I realized how much I really really love it. It is boondocking that leaves me feeling ick, not our beloved Gypsy Goddess. I want to keep her. So, we are going to put her in storage, to keep her safe from the registration-enforcers, and grow my income, so we can get her all legit, find a cozy spot to call home, and enjoy life. 

I look forward to having a nice monthly spot that we love that is close to Kass' fabulous school in the incredible city we are so blessed to call home right now. And I look forward to tempering that with some deep serious travelling in the summer. My gypsy blood is itching.

I can't give up this life yet - I haven't even travelled yet!!! LOL 

So, we are looking to find a delicious combination of local living and travel adventures. I want to steal away whenever Kass has a break from school. (Thankfully, she only goes 2 days a week, so a "week" off school, is actually closer to 2 weeks.)

The missing link between here and there is just money. Well, maybe a bit of sisterhood, too.

So, I have been prepping my soil, especially most recently, and I am gearing up to ease into this new journey.

Which reminds me of another piece of my patchwork path of learning. Previously, I lept into new experiences. I would make a mad dash for the finish line. I tried to skip the awkward learning phases.

I had a vision recently, where I envisioned myself in a new foreign city. My first inclination is to rush through, to fly past the discomfort in my gut. And I realized that once my babies are old enough to be okay without me for a week, I need to take a retreat to India alone. I need to practice moving slowly in a new place, by myself, so I can really focus on my internals during the process. And I want to stay in an ashram, so I can sink into some soul work during the journey.

Well, during this money and sisterhood learning, I am going to sink deeply and slowly. I have learned so much about leaning into learning, and I have been dabbling in quickness. But quick-fix is not going to work at this next step. Once I have my grounding, my footing I hope I can start leaping and flying and such. But for now, the naturally-embedded detours and early learning should be sufficient challenge :)

Well, my love. I am sure there is a whole heckavalot more I could share, but for now, this feels full.

I love you.

Thank you for being patient with my blog & biz learning, and thank you for being with me as I fumble, burst, laugh, cry, love, connect, give.

So blessed to have you by my side ♥

Will you gift me with a precious jewel from your treasure trove of money and sisterhood (comment below)? I would love to sit with it and soak in its medicine as I take in these next few steps of my journey.

I love you.

Have I told you recently how much I love you?

This reminds me of us. Maybe a whole orchard of these. Found it here.

All my love,

The Big Life Organizer, Inspirer, and Planner!! My gift to you :)

Hello, Beloved Blogtribe ♥
I couldn't wait until tomorrow, so I am sharing now :))

I have a special gift for you :D

In the midst of organizing, inspiring, and making some planning for my own life, I decided to offer this giant 86+ page e-organizer to you!

I am so excited to share this big huge project (for me AND you!).

I am testing out a pdf hosting site, and these materials will only be available until October 12th, so download while you can :))

Also, I could only upload 5 files, so I am going to walk you through setting up your own planner right here right now :) Thankfully, I provided an example of a partially filled out organizer (mine), so it will hopefully help you through the more confusing parts (my "writing" is the purple text - no surprise :)).

If you love this planner so much and want to gift me back, please feel free to visit my homepage (www.wildsacredsoul.com) and click the "I would love to contribute" button in the sidebar :) If I get enough contributions (assuming that is positive feedback), I may buy extended time for folks to download this organizer :))

Let me give you the links (just right click and save), and then I will walk you through them.

My free Big Life Organizer Inspirer and Planner
An example of how to fill it out
The extra monthly sections
The project planner worksheets
The event planner worksheets

Okay, my plan is to print the files out double sided and put them in a 3-ring binder, with a manila envelope hole punched for receipts for the month and stuff waiting to be incorporated into the organizer.

I designed it specifically for me as a self, a home-maker, a mama, a family learning facilitator, a blog-based business owner, a part of a tribe (close friends and family), and a piece of a community. I tried to make it flexible enough to accommodate varying lifestyles, though.

I plan to use 3 big tab dividers: the first section (schedule) does not have or need a tab, the first tab is "inspiration", the second tab is "projects", and the third and final tab is "miscellaneous" or "technicalities" -- I haven't finalized a cool name for that tab yet :))

In the first section (schedule), there is

• the cover page which is either self-explanatory, or you can reference my example (downloaded file from above) for how to fill that page out
• a basic run-down of what our days usually look like -- I included this to kind of reference back to on days when life feels unstable and I want to ground myself in a schedule that I knows feeds my soul and nourishes my family
• a similar weekly schedule
• another similar monthly schedule, with a space at the bottom to include typical monthly things that don't fall on a specific day of the week in the month
• ideas for the month gives me a place to save my brainstorming or ideas I come up with while making dinner or talking about something with my kids
• the actual monthly calendar that you will fill out spans 2 pages and is left intentionally blank, because I have no idea what month you may start this project. The 8th column on the right is for something you do every month (like I put my blog post ideas). Also, I use a post-it note for my current to-do list and shopping list (I usually stick it over the days that have already passed). I have also taped a piece of paper to the top of the calendar in the past, so it flips up out of my way whem I need to see the whole month. I like the post-it notes, so I can just transfer them easily to the next month when needed. p.s. - I have 3 "to do" notes: "now", "soon", and "eventually".
• future planning is so you don't end up with 50 pages of pure monthly calendars to keep track of future events. I just jot down a date and easy title and fill it into the actual calendar when the month comes. Also, you will notice there are enough months to repeat the month you are on for next year -- I like that so I can add annual events that I don't want to forget about for next year :) If there are fliers or invites that comes with something for the calendar, I stick them in my binder pocket so I can find them easily when the time comes.
• the next page could have had a whole page dedicated to the budgeting, I know. But I wanted it short and sweet. I wanted to make sure that each area of my life got nourished in some monetary way each month. The "to do this month" is self-explanatory, as well as the meal ideas (we love to try new foods and not forget about some favored dishes :))
• the next page (what we are learning through joyfully living) is our homeschool page to record what we are learning throughout the month in the various state-required subjects. In my example, I only do my 5-year-son, because my oldest daughter's info looks different since she is homeschooling through a charter school and they provide their own paperwork. But you can easily draw a line or more to create columns and do 1 child per section - chances are, the closer your kids are in age, the more similar their learning is going to be :)

The 2nd section (and after the first tab) is called Inspiration, and it includes:

• a list of things that inspire me
• my values/areas grid, which can be explained here, that spans 2 pages. I made several boxes across and down , but if you need more, feel free to print out an extra page or 2. These boxes are so small, I thought they could capture the essence of where those 2 concepts meet, but you know you can include a whole page dedicated to each box in this binder if you want :)) Check out my example to see what areas (down/rows) I included.
• a vision board for self - a place to attach pictures, words, quotes, whatever inspires me to align with self and manifest my dreams for myself
• a mission statement for my self. What do I want my self to be like, to aspire toward, etc. There are some incredible blog posts across the web with ideas for mission statements. A mission statement just helps me feel grounded and clear
• stuff I want -- oh, do I love making lists of things I want. Even more, I love that they actualize once I have listed them!! There were a few things that I didn't need to include in my example from the list I made a few months ago -- yeehaw! :))
• a vision board, mission statement, and stuff list for home, family, family learning, business, tribe, and community
• at the end I tape a sheet of paper on 3 edges to the one in the binder, so it can serve as a pocket to hold stuff waiting to be incorporated into that section :))

The 3rd section (and after the 2nd tab) is

• a place to keep track of the projects in the mix. If you are like me, this list will be long and often changing, so I plan to cover the page in clear contact paper and write on it with a dry-erase marker, or maybe use post-it notes again :)) I am infamous for following my flow, which often leads to not completing projects. I made this page 1-sided (the back is blank) in case you DID want to write on the page, and then you can just print a new one if needed ;))
• project ideas for self is a list with a blank page, which you can use as a vision board for beautiful photos, or attach a paper to make an envelop to hold inspiration, or both, or something else entirely
• the same for home, family, family learning, business, tribe, and community
• after any area of life (above) you can include a few project planning worksheets (file downloaded above) or some event planning worksheets (also a file downloaded from above) for the ideas you are wanting to manifest -- include as many or as few as you want in each area of life. It is a great place to keep all your ideas in one organized place

The 4th (after the 3rd tab) and final section is

• for miscellaneous information in each area of life. For example, in business, I may keep usernames and passwords or the name of a blog template I am partial to, or anything of the like
• address and phone number book - who knows, maybe your phone drops in the jacuzzi and you wish you had recorded that info somewhere (or is that just me?)

That is all I included. Of course, there is plenty or room for personalization there -- space to add pages or documents, room to decorate with zendoodles, stickers, or watercolor borders, whatever nourishes your soul and makes you WANT to open that book and keep track of stuff :))

On the front of my binder, I am going to make a sheet (to slide between the binder and that clear protector) with lists of what to update in there daily, weekly, monthly, etc. I think this will help me to not be overwhelmed by the sheer bulk and information inside :))

I may not take the whole binder out into life. I may staple the monthly calendar together, the manila envelope, and a sheet of paper to record things to incorporate later for my daily adventures outside of home and tuck them back neatly at the end of the day.

I really hope this helps you, inspires you, makes you feel like you are living more aligned with your values and aspirations. Enjoy, my love ♥