A Virtual Space

I am continuing to deconstruct my spaces all over the internet. So, I co-created a group on CafeMom called Earthy Tribal Mamas and wanted to share the speecifics with you, in my "building a Tribe" ideas.

This was the group description:

This is a consensually operated and co-created space of supportive and loving mamas, enjoying community, dialogue, joy, information, inspiration, and advice.
We strive to be accepting of all choices made from a loving context, but tend toward valuing things like using the nature model, being journey-oriented, homebirthing (unassisted birth), extended breastfeeding, tandem nursing, babywearing, family bedding, cloth diapering, elimination communication, consensual living, emotional responsiveness, connected families, unconditional family relationships, creative problem solving, whole person valuing, nonviolent communication, authentic self-directed learning and living, (radical) unschooling and homeschooling, communal living, sustainable and greener lifestyles, and so much more.
Most of us do not share all of these interests, and each of us are at our own place in this journey of living it and integrating these values more fully into our lives -- this group is about supporting each of us on our path in a sisterhood, a virtual family and haven that many of us may have difficulty finding in person.
This group is a virtual version of a tight-knit group of families who pull together to help each one be successful and sustainable, to heal old wounds and walk more powerfully and purposefully, a virtual "sit around the dining room table in your jammies talking late into the night, with families of kids buried under piles of blankets in the family room". If these appeal to you, this may be the place for you.
 
These were the guidelines:
 
Please look around for a bit and get a feel for the place before posting. This will help you get a feel for the tone and to see if we are a good fit :) There are so many ways to do things, and since we can find *certain* ways almost anywhere, we really wanted to create a place with a specific feel and tone to it that heals and inspires and encourages and validates us. If it feels right, please feel free to dive in. If it isn't what you are looking for, no hard feelings, and we wish you the best in finding a space that better reflects you. Please see the "Our Mission Statement" and "Participation Tips" threads in the Welcome forum to get a better feel for "guideline" type stuff :)

This was the "Participation Tips" thread (I guess we never finished creating a Mission Statement)

In a democratically run group, every member has a say in what is important to them in terms of interaction guidelines. In a consensually operated group, we try to meet the needs of all the members, regardless of their length of stay. This thread will be a collaborated effort to provide ideas for how to meet the group's needs and our own while participating in the group. Everyone has an equal voice, and I hope that everyone will find it easy to enjoy each other in this space :)

...and then everyone was invited to share their perspectives. Here was mine:

My thoughts:
As far as participation: visit often, contribute lots of interesting and supportive stuff :))
In a group of relationship-oriented people, I am not very concerned about conflicts or even that we cannot navigate them out in the open when they happen. Having said that, these are my ideas :)
First of all, we can encounter "mainstream" perspectives by just walking out our front door--this place is meant to be something different. I think it's a given that we all know this, but worth mentioning still :)
Posters: Mostly, I think, be loving. Perhaps be aware of how what you are saying could be interpreted by people, especially ones with a differing opinion. And maybe be aware that you are presenting opinions based on your life experience. The feelings and needs lists [below] may help you to articulate yourself better, especially if you are responding to someone else.


Readers: Again, be loving. Assuming positive intent goes a long way. Maybe rewording something in a way that feels good to you. If something troubles you, what you are taking issue with "from someone else" may be a reflection of something inside you that you may want to explore (and the feelings and needs list, mentioned above, may help with that); if you are at peace with yourself, it is difficult to find conflict with others; and you are only responsible for yourself.
I think in order to be reflective of "real life" not a mediated version of it, debates and disagreements may happen, and I think a LOT of growth can come from that. I would love to join the strong and loving voices here to help create and keep this space safe, and I guess I am assuming that we won't be attracting or encouraging conflict-happy types. I trust we can navigate and negotiate conflicts as they may arise.
 
Feelings and Needs list (the format did not transfer well, so it will be very long, but worth sharing):
 
feelings inventory



The following are words we use when we want to express a combination of emotional states and physical sensations. This list is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.



There are two parts to this list: feelings we may have when our needs are being met and feelings we may have when our needs are not being met.



We also have a list of needs.



http://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory



Feelings when your needs are satisfied

AFFECTIONATE

compassionate

friendly

loving

open hearted

sympathetic

tender

warm



ENGAGED

absorbed

alert

curious

engrossed

enchanted

entranced

fascinated

interested

intrigued

involved

spellbound

stimulated



HOPEFUL

expectant

encouraged

optimistic

CONFIDENT

empowered

open

proud

safe

secure



EXCITED

amazed

animated

ardent

aroused

astonished

dazzled

eager

energetic

enthusiastic

giddy

invigorated

lively

passionate

surprised

vibrant

GRATEFUL

appreciative

moved

thankful

touched



INSPIRED

amazed

awed

wonder



JOYFUL

amused

delighted

glad

happy

jubilant

pleased

tickled



EXHILARATED

blissful

ecstatic

elated

enthralled

exuberant

radiant

rapturous

thrilled

PEACEFUL

calm

clear headed

comfortable

centered

content

equanimous

fulfilled

mellow

quiet

relaxed

relieved

satisfied

serene

still

tranquil

trusting



REFRESHED

enlivened

rejuvenated

renewed

rested

restored

revived





Feelings when your needs are not satisfied

AFRAID

apprehensive

dread

foreboding

frightened

mistrustful

panicked

petrified

scared

suspicious

terrified

wary

worried



ANNOYED

aggravated

dismayed

disgruntled

displeased

exasperated

frustrated

impatient

irritated

irked



ANGRY

enraged

furious

incensed

indignant

irate

livid

outraged

resentful



AVERSION

animosity

appalled

contempt

disgusted

dislike

hate

horrified

hostile

repulsed



CONFUSED

ambivalent

baffled

bewildered

dazed

hesitant

lost

mystified

perplexed

puzzled

torn



DISCONNECTED

alienated

aloof

apathetic

bored

cold

detached

distant

distracted

indifferent

numb

removed

uninterested

withdrawn



DISQUIET

agitated

alarmed

discombobulated

disconcerted

disturbed

perturbed

rattled

restless

shocked

startled

surprised

troubled

turbulent

turmoil

uncomfortable

uneasy

unnerved

unsettled

upset



EMBARRASSED

ashamed

chagrined

flustered

guilty

mortified

self-conscious



FATIGUE

beat

burnt out

depleted

exhausted

lethargic

listless

sleepy

tired

weary

worn out



PAIN

agony

anguished

bereaved

devastated

grief

heartbroken

hurt

lonely

miserable

regretful

remorseful



SAD

depressed

dejected

despair

despondent

disappointed

discouraged

disheartened

forlorn

gloomy

heavy hearted

hopeless

melancholy

unhappy

wretched

TENSE

anxious

cranky

distressed

distraught

edgy

fidgety

frazzled

irritable

jittery

nervous

overwhelmed

restless

stressed out



VULNERABLE

fragile

guarded

helpless

insecure

leery

reserved

sensitive

shaky



YEARNING

envious

jealous

longing

nostalgic

pining

wistful







The contents of this page can be downloaded and copied by anyone so long as they credit CNVC as follows:



(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication

Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org

Phone: +1.505.244.4041



NVC Model
NVC concepts
Feelings List
Needs List
NVC Chapter One





needs inventory


The following list of needs is neither exhaustive nor definitive. It is meant as a starting place to support anyone who wishes to engage in a process of deepening self-discovery and to facilitate greater understanding and connection between people.



We have another list that might also be of interest to you: a list of feelings.



CONNECTION

acceptance

affection

appreciation

belonging

cooperation

communication

closeness

community

companionship

compassion

consideration

consistency

empathy

inclusion

intimacy

love

mutuality

nurturing

respect/self-respect



CONNECTION continued

safety

security

stability

support

to know and be known

to see and be seen

to understand and

be understood

trust

warmth



PHYSICAL WELL-BEING

air

food

movement/exercise

rest/sleep

sexual expression

safety

shelter

touch

water



HONESTY

authenticity

integrity

presence



PLAY

joy

humor



PEACE

beauty

communion

ease

equality

harmony

inspiration

order



AUTONOMY

choice

freedom

independence

space

spontaneity

MEANING

awareness

celebration of life

challenge

clarity

competence

consciousness

contribution

creativity

discovery

efficacy

effectiveness

growth

hope

learning

mourning

participation

purpose

self-expression

stimulation

to matter

understanding