Haha. So, the "A" in the title was supposed to prove that there is plenty of other basic info -- this is just one bit that I have become very clear upon in the last dew days :)
"With, not to". So, it seems that one of the essential foundational pieces in all gentle parenting philosophies is the partnership style of interaction. So, instead of doing something to my child, I would do it with them. I think about this a lot when I am practicing elimination communication with my baby or feeding her -- these are things we do each other, together, rather than things that I do to her. When the bathwater for my son is almost at the top, I go in and say,"Oh, wow! The water is at the top. Do you mind if I turn the faucet off or unplug the plug so water can go out?" he is a part of the process, a part of the things that involve him -- I do them with him, not to him. Sometimes, I enjoy just carrying that phrase around with me and seeing what interactions constitute a "with" or a "to", so I can find more ways in our lives to live more wholly aligned with my values of partnership.
The second bit that has become very clear to me is a model in a traditional family that helps me to understand the "equality" bit that is so prevalent in gentle parenting styles (especially consensual living). When it comes to decision-making on things, the relationship that I try to have with my kids is more like one between loving and liking siblings. That helps me to completely eliminate the hierarchy or "top down" style of discussing solutions and implementing them. If I see us as partners, as loving and liking siblings who just work together because we want to see it work for both of is. "WWSD?" = what would sisters do? This can be a shortcut for me, in handling something. It's an easy way for me to jump back on track, while I'm ironing out the details of letting go of hierarchy and being deeply consensual and partner oriented. It helps me to travel lighter, if just to feel the contrast and then explore and understand it better later, because sometimes my "mom hat" comes with a very heavy backpack. I enjoy opportunities to set that backpack down and feel the contrast.
And the last bit I wanted to share in "A" is being as gentle with ourselves as we are striving to be with our children. Oftentimes, even when we have internalized the theories and philosophies, we still have to build and practice the skills, like learning to ride a bike: our skills improve when we are kind and loving and gentle with ourselves at the times that we fall off and especially when we get hurt. The bike analogy was borrowed from my dear friend, who also shared another "short cut" with me: invoking the Mother Teresa inside me at times when she is needed, to listen to and love and accept myself, and for my children. That was a special kind of love and healing, and I can find it inside me.
Hope your week has gotten off to a great start <3
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