Hello, my love ♥
How are you, Darling?
I hope this love letter finds you feeling like you are zen in a park, hugging a tree somewhere ♥
We have been on such an incredible journey recently.
For the past couple months, we have been spending a lot of time in the homes of several beloved, incredible people, who each have such a beautiful unique way of being, and a kind and loving mirror to myself and my family.
It has been such an awesome opportunity to reflect on our ways and our style and what makes us... us :)
It is a beautiful opportunity to witness our diversity of similarities and our easy samenesses.
I wanted to share a beloved piece of our big journey with you.
It is such a deep piece, that most of my life grows from it. And I sometimes find it is in contrast to the majority of people who live "alternative" or intentional lives. So,
I think it might be a beautiful piece of my love message to you and our sisters and brothers in this whole world.
When I consciously decided upon natural birth and green living and alternative healing and organic eating and gentle parenting and unschooling and simplicity and other things I decided to put into practice, I instantly felt how right it was, and so felt that other ways of doing things were wrong.
I felt guilt and shame about my old ways, and I was scared to slip up and do things in ways that were obviously going to mess up my child, and I felt other parents should do things this new way that I found, too.
It made it very hard to connect with mamas who lived differently, and it made it impossible to find someone else who did things "perfect" so that I could be comfortable being close friends and not feel judgmental or worried for people whom I had grown to love so much.
And I resisted being judgmental, because I have always been about love (which I also found was another "should"), and it made me feel bad about who I was being. Even when I was coming from a place of love and trying so hard to not be judgmental, I still felt some ways were better than others, which caused the way I interacted with people to be slanted or skewed in some way.
I remember coming to the conclusion that I just wanted to embrace everyone in their paths, knowing that they made their best choices for their family, that I have never walked a day in their path, so how could I possibly know what was best for their family.
And then I got the biggest opportunity to explore and practice this.
My younger sister had a baby. We had been raised by different moms in different households, and our choices were often different. Our births were no exception.
I found myself realizing that I really wanted to honor my sister, regardless of AND FOR the choices she felt drawn toward.
And that was when it came to me.
How could I honor someone's choice, when it was so different from what I felt I had to do?
And of course, I HAD to do it, or I would poison my child or the earth, or mess my kids up emotionally and cripple them for life. I HAD to sacrifice, for what was best for my children. I was doing SO much, giving SO much, because it was the right thing to do, because I had to, because it was
better. Because how could any mama who knew
better do any less?
Wow.
Did you feel that?
Can you relate to that?
Let's take a moment to sink back into our real Truth.
That? That was a lot of pressure. All over the place. That was fear and anxiety, and that was not coming from my Truth or my heart.
So, what comes next?
Step #1 was owning my fears, knowing they were about some internal journey of mine, and none of that stuff was about anyone else.
But I
did like those choices. They just weren't feeling like real choices. So, what was amiss?
I reflected on those things and began a journey of re-choosing my choices, and exploring how something can feel right to me without the rest being wrong. It's a different kind of right. Like alignment. Specific to me. Stepping from that place inside of me.
Mmmmm, an opportunity to explore what was inside me.
What was my deepest relationship truth? Love.
So, what was the real practice of love? Not because I had to love, but because I chose to love, because I wanted to love, because being love and stepping from a place of love felt soulfully nourishing and oh-so expansively right.
What would love do?
Mmmmm.
Returning to my deeply natural state of being free to make choices was liberating and gave me a life full of space to grow from, in a way that still feels like I was made for this.
I could finally truly grow and tailor my life, and shift and expand it based on
our needs, not the "shoulds" inside or outside of me.
Being free to truly make choices has kept me so busy loving and living my life, and it allows me to be totally at peace with people making their own choices, too.
It opened me up to loving myself, even when I fall short of my own intentions, since there was no pressure, just joy. And feeling less pressure about my intentions means we actually live them easier, since I am not pulled down (every time I move out of alignment) by guilt and shame and fear that made it hard to recover and live how I want to live. We can just make a choice and do it. No beating myself up along the way necessary.
And I am so grateful whenever I catch myself in that "judgment" place, because it can be such a soul-delicious opportunity to check in with my life again - is that another path I followed because I felt I
had to because it was "best"? Would I have made that choice, if I had a million other just-as-valid options around me?
And what would it look like to completely design that?
This "choice therapy" stuff has opened me up to be truly me, and to be with people in a way that is truly loving them and connecting to them. To really, really SEE people ♥ To honor their journey, to embrace and be with them in their All.
So, when we chose to eat organic produce and support our community through our spending or not immunize each other or embrace tough feelings or learn in a way that feels right to us, it is from a place of internal yumminess and stepping from a place of being true to ourselves.
When I witness fear-mongering posts on Facebook or conversations in presence, I just send an energy hug and
ease on down my road (btw, you MUST see this video the kids made).
It's not wrong or bad to be afraid, or best to be unafraid - I just don't feel aligned with that feeling.
We do these things because they feel good inside us, because they nourish us, because we live what we believe.
It is my pleasure and such an honor to share this with you, to love you in your journey, to feel connected to you in what feels like sameness and might look like differences.
Keep choice-making, Love.
See where is leads you ♥
All my love,
No, really, ALL my love,
