I have been doing some major stuff renovation of my home -- simplifying and rearranging on the deepest level. I usually focus a lot on the deconstructing (getting rid of stuff, breaking down emotional barriers to refind simplicity), and this time I have been focusing a lot on the reconstructing, too -- trying to get in tune with my most basic needs and building upon them, creating systems destined for success. I want to share a bit with you, in case it speaks to you the way it is all resonating so deeply for me :))
So, maybe you can elaborate the analogy if I explain where I started: the bathroom. Instead of just taking stuff out of my bathroom that I don't want or use and passing it along, I took everything out, deep cleaned it, and looked at my empty bathroom and asked myself how I could keep it this energy-flowing and clean. I decided my way was to keep the surfaces clear of stuff, make it beautiful (so I would want it to be clean), make it smell good (so it was inviting), and develop a system that would make it easy to maintain.
One of my solutions was to only bring in stuff that would fit tucked away in drawers and cabinets. I thought about my daily and after-shower routines, about my ways to pamper myself, about how my bathroom gets messy and dirty.
I'm super simple in the health and beauty area, so my list of things to keep was very short - and I was ruthless about not bringing in things I don't use at least once a week, which was easy for me since if I am ever going to do something worth doing, it would be within a week. I left the rest of the stuff in the box, with no commitment to get rid of it or anything that might create an emotional upheaval -- I just pushed the "pack it all up box" box into the next room and enjoyed my simple clean bathroom. Note, I didn't try to "unpack the box" or find places for things -- I looked at my needs and collected stuff from the box, as I recalled from memory what I really would need and use.
Next, as I put those things away, I thought about how I could make those simple body care things greener, what I was ready to do and what I wasn't (like I want to make my own deoderant and face cleaner and use food-safe oils instead of lotions and try out a "no 'poo" method, but I'm not ready to give up my Colgate Total toothpaste just yet). I made a list of the things I wanted to replace and the supplies I would need to do it (Internet research).
After situating my body care stuff, I did the same thing for my "pamper me" stuff -- make up (I like the "natural beauty" look with maybe a touch of flare for special occasions), jewelry (what could I realistically see me wearing with what clothes I wear -- again, I'm simple), and massage stuff.
To make it beautiful, I have plans to soften it a bit with some fabric (I have glass shower doors, so I will drape a long pretty scarf across the top over the metal), decorate the corners of the mirrors with dry-erase markers to make it look like a frame, dye my towels a new color (they are about 7 years old, so they are excited about their new look :)), and I am going to make some new family cloth.
To smell good, I am going to put some essential oils in a little ceramic holder. I prefer the smells of aromatherapy to chemicals, even perfume.
As for a system for cleaning. The first step was to clear off counters and the floor (like, I bought my baby a padded seat for the toilet and took out her potty chair). I also plan to use a resource I already have: dirty laundry. I will wipe the sink down or dust everytime I take something off, and I will toss it onto the floor to step on instead of a bath rug that attracts dirt and requires more loads of laundry to be done over the month, and after I get out of the shower, I can mop the high-traffic floor area real fast with the clothes before I toss them into the dirty laundry hamper (which will be right outside my door).
I started with the bathrooms, because they are easiest for me. For some reason, the place I go to clean and rejuvinate my energy (throug self care) seems to be the easiest for me to be clear about my needs and how to build upon them with my values. Some of the stuff I mentioned I've been doing, and some of it just newly clicked like a combination lock. As I'm getting my bathroom system into habit, I am branching out -- the next room I did was my son's bedroom/playroom. Another easy one for me, especially when I put bookcases in the closet for less-played with toys, so his bedroom is rich with his simple favorites and lots of room to play. The next room.... Ugh. Mine. I'll let you know how it goes :)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I'm Unschooled. Yes. I Can Write.
I am super excited to announce how honored I am to be posted on a blog that I love so much: "I'm Unschooled. Yes. I Can Write." She has a series on grown unschoolers, and I filled out the questionnaire and am now a piece of her blog <3 I am truly honored :)
Honestly, like with art, I keep thinking how I could have or want now to say this or that differently, "perfectly", but I was going for simple and clear when I filled it out, so there ya go :)) I get so excited when I get to be a voice that is contributing to something I want to see more of in the world -- in this case unschooling. And Idzie's blog is so great -- one of those ones I can happily lose myself in for days. It's full of great information/research, as well as LOTS of personal experiences, things that resonate deep down, things that challenge me to think more aligned with my values. She was the first grown unschooler I'd ever "met", and so it feels oddly syncronious (if that were a word) to be posted on her blog to share about my experience as a grown unschooler. One of my favorite things about this grown unschooler series is how different the experiences are -- it feels good to add even more variety to what unschooling looks like and know that I am validated and appreciated. I just love that about unschooling.
Here is the link. Enjoy...
Honestly, like with art, I keep thinking how I could have or want now to say this or that differently, "perfectly", but I was going for simple and clear when I filled it out, so there ya go :)) I get so excited when I get to be a voice that is contributing to something I want to see more of in the world -- in this case unschooling. And Idzie's blog is so great -- one of those ones I can happily lose myself in for days. It's full of great information/research, as well as LOTS of personal experiences, things that resonate deep down, things that challenge me to think more aligned with my values. She was the first grown unschooler I'd ever "met", and so it feels oddly syncronious (if that were a word) to be posted on her blog to share about my experience as a grown unschooler. One of my favorite things about this grown unschooler series is how different the experiences are -- it feels good to add even more variety to what unschooling looks like and know that I am validated and appreciated. I just love that about unschooling.
Here is the link. Enjoy...
Monday, January 24, 2011
Be safe, respectful, and sincere
Firstly, there is a difference between principles and rules. I have found rules to be hardfast, quick-fix shortcuts, rigid, limiting, impeding upon natural learning, creating rebelliousness and other complexes, usually stem from my own discomforts, and sometimes the only way I can retain sanity in a moment of feeling overwhelmed (so I understand why some parents use them <3).
Principles are meant to be general pointers in a direction toward a common goal. Our goals and means strive to be something that looks like our version of "be safe, respectful, and sincere." I substituted "sincere" for the "kind" I've always seen -- I didn't want "kind" to get confused with "nice" (which I'm still situating, but am basically uncomfortable with right now), and the kindness I know of kinda goes along with "respectful".
Let me also say that these are just training wheels, to help our family live more harmoniously (as per my New Years resolution), after some serious chaos and upheaval for the past couple years. These training wheels are not held over people's heads and thrust at them in challenging moments. We talk about them at our monthly pow wow meetings and explore them a bit in our daily lives through observing experiences and discussing them. They are still new for us as principles, so this post will be simple and raw and more about intention than details. These will look mostly like me implementing them into my interactions, since the kid's pick up my vibes and styles without me forcing (and they pick up the force when I try to force anything). I can already see these being tweaked a bit, but for today, lemme explain what we have come up with so far :))
Some details of "safe". Lemme share with some examples. Safe, to me, does not mean "don't climb up onto the table because you could fall and get hurt" -- our style of "safe" is helping the baby to challenge herself and explore her environment in a way that is safe, so maybe standing there and "spotting" her, showing her how to get down safely, padding the ground around her with pillows, or something of the like. "Safe" does not mean "hold my hand in the parking lot" -- our style of safe means watching for cars and standing between my son and them, or waiting for a closet parking spot... Although, usually, we like to hold hands together :)) "Safe" doesn't mean they can't climb all over the jungle gym at their comfort level, or go barefoot in the rain, or play swords with sticks, or climb trees hiiiiiiiigh, or jump from rock to rock or whatever. We just follow our personal comfort levels, and I'm pretty relaxed -- although, I've been known to have a good cry over some scares (hiding kids in a department store, a near miss of a car, a pretty bad injury). For me, pains and hurts and injuries are a part of life and one for each of us to decide for ourselves how we feel about them (including my children, who can decide for themselves).
"Respectful" does not look like me reminding my child to "use their manners" or apologize, when they aren't. That doesn't feel respectful to them, no matter how "nice" I am about it. Again, "respectful" starts with me. I strive to be respectful toward my children and myself and the people I encounter. It can look like me giving someone the benefit of the doubt or assuming positive intent. It is usually me being understanding and listening. It is related to how I care for our belongings and for this earth. It involves how I conduct myself with integrity with strangers and loved ones. It involves me doing the things that feel right and good from me and understanding that everyone has their own way -- they don't have to have my style ;)) It includes the reasons why I help my children to explore what feels right to them.
Being "sincere" is grounded in connection, presence, and authenticity. When I handle something out-of-alignment from how I want to, I can sincerely approach my child and connect with them and heal the gap. When something is bothering me, I can be present with my loved one or myself and speak truths from a place of authenticity, love, and a quest for reconciliation of some sort. I am learning to be sincere with myself about my vulnerabilities and what-can-feel-like-unworthiness, and am finally doing some real healing. Sincerity doesn't always look like "being nice" for us -- sometimes, somethings are raw when they are being sorted out, but kindness is obviously the bigger picture (even if it is being kind enough to be honest). Honesty without connection can be just mean. Sometimes, that happens here, but that's not sincerity.
When I first started exploring and experimenting with unschooling in our lives, I knew I wanted my kids to be authentic and real and honest, and not compliant or "well behaved". I wanted to give up control (and I dived in and gave it up fast!), and what I got was an out-of-control pre-preteen and a chaotic home. I thought the opposite of "compliant" was her doing whatever would feel right to her and because I believed all the goodness in her would come out, we would be good. I am grateful we did it the way we did, because I held fast the whole time (well, 90% of it!), and we learned "our way", but I know that way wouldn't work for others. I knew that the pendulum would, was, and needed to swing the other way. I knew the "control" needed to be "out of control" before it could find balance and be truly wild :)) Now that we have gotten so much controllingness and reaction-to-no-control out of our system, we can be truly natural learners. I learned what the loving balance between "compliant" and "noncompliant" is: cooperative. And now we are living it :))) I don't know where exactly the shift came from (a few possibilities), but we've been living it for a couple weeks now, and our life feels like a very different story than one I may have told a couple months ago. We are still working out the kinks, and these "safe, respectful, sincere" training wheels are just the next tools we can use on this journey :)) I'm careful to encourage these together, learning side-by-side, rather than any repression going on (has happened in our past: stuffing things to "be nice"). It's delicious, one bite at a time :)))))
I hope that explains a bit of what we have been thinking about around here recently :)
Principles are meant to be general pointers in a direction toward a common goal. Our goals and means strive to be something that looks like our version of "be safe, respectful, and sincere." I substituted "sincere" for the "kind" I've always seen -- I didn't want "kind" to get confused with "nice" (which I'm still situating, but am basically uncomfortable with right now), and the kindness I know of kinda goes along with "respectful".
Let me also say that these are just training wheels, to help our family live more harmoniously (as per my New Years resolution), after some serious chaos and upheaval for the past couple years. These training wheels are not held over people's heads and thrust at them in challenging moments. We talk about them at our monthly pow wow meetings and explore them a bit in our daily lives through observing experiences and discussing them. They are still new for us as principles, so this post will be simple and raw and more about intention than details. These will look mostly like me implementing them into my interactions, since the kid's pick up my vibes and styles without me forcing (and they pick up the force when I try to force anything). I can already see these being tweaked a bit, but for today, lemme explain what we have come up with so far :))
Some details of "safe". Lemme share with some examples. Safe, to me, does not mean "don't climb up onto the table because you could fall and get hurt" -- our style of "safe" is helping the baby to challenge herself and explore her environment in a way that is safe, so maybe standing there and "spotting" her, showing her how to get down safely, padding the ground around her with pillows, or something of the like. "Safe" does not mean "hold my hand in the parking lot" -- our style of safe means watching for cars and standing between my son and them, or waiting for a closet parking spot... Although, usually, we like to hold hands together :)) "Safe" doesn't mean they can't climb all over the jungle gym at their comfort level, or go barefoot in the rain, or play swords with sticks, or climb trees hiiiiiiiigh, or jump from rock to rock or whatever. We just follow our personal comfort levels, and I'm pretty relaxed -- although, I've been known to have a good cry over some scares (hiding kids in a department store, a near miss of a car, a pretty bad injury). For me, pains and hurts and injuries are a part of life and one for each of us to decide for ourselves how we feel about them (including my children, who can decide for themselves).
"Respectful" does not look like me reminding my child to "use their manners" or apologize, when they aren't. That doesn't feel respectful to them, no matter how "nice" I am about it. Again, "respectful" starts with me. I strive to be respectful toward my children and myself and the people I encounter. It can look like me giving someone the benefit of the doubt or assuming positive intent. It is usually me being understanding and listening. It is related to how I care for our belongings and for this earth. It involves how I conduct myself with integrity with strangers and loved ones. It involves me doing the things that feel right and good from me and understanding that everyone has their own way -- they don't have to have my style ;)) It includes the reasons why I help my children to explore what feels right to them.
Being "sincere" is grounded in connection, presence, and authenticity. When I handle something out-of-alignment from how I want to, I can sincerely approach my child and connect with them and heal the gap. When something is bothering me, I can be present with my loved one or myself and speak truths from a place of authenticity, love, and a quest for reconciliation of some sort. I am learning to be sincere with myself about my vulnerabilities and what-can-feel-like-unworthiness, and am finally doing some real healing. Sincerity doesn't always look like "being nice" for us -- sometimes, somethings are raw when they are being sorted out, but kindness is obviously the bigger picture (even if it is being kind enough to be honest). Honesty without connection can be just mean. Sometimes, that happens here, but that's not sincerity.
When I first started exploring and experimenting with unschooling in our lives, I knew I wanted my kids to be authentic and real and honest, and not compliant or "well behaved". I wanted to give up control (and I dived in and gave it up fast!), and what I got was an out-of-control pre-preteen and a chaotic home. I thought the opposite of "compliant" was her doing whatever would feel right to her and because I believed all the goodness in her would come out, we would be good. I am grateful we did it the way we did, because I held fast the whole time (well, 90% of it!), and we learned "our way", but I know that way wouldn't work for others. I knew that the pendulum would, was, and needed to swing the other way. I knew the "control" needed to be "out of control" before it could find balance and be truly wild :)) Now that we have gotten so much controllingness and reaction-to-no-control out of our system, we can be truly natural learners. I learned what the loving balance between "compliant" and "noncompliant" is: cooperative. And now we are living it :))) I don't know where exactly the shift came from (a few possibilities), but we've been living it for a couple weeks now, and our life feels like a very different story than one I may have told a couple months ago. We are still working out the kinks, and these "safe, respectful, sincere" training wheels are just the next tools we can use on this journey :)) I'm careful to encourage these together, learning side-by-side, rather than any repression going on (has happened in our past: stuffing things to "be nice"). It's delicious, one bite at a time :)))))
I hope that explains a bit of what we have been thinking about around here recently :)
Our Roles
During our organizing of our family, we came across a place where we were reflecting on each of our roles in our family, as individuals and as a whole family.
Being the mother, mine was chocked full of responsibilities, and being a mama, it was full of substance and intrinsically-motivated endeavors :))
Noble and Najaia, being small children, focused more on living and learning than on responsibility and went something to the tune of, "Noble's role in this family is to play and actively learn about himself, his family, his friends, his community, and the world at large, as well as how to function with them in a way that honors his self." Then I divided his "duties" into some categories, like play, actively learn, self, family, friends, community, and world. For "play", his duties are to reenact, explore, experiment, and enjoy. And my role in supporting him in this is to provide stuff to use, space to do it, time to do it to, and experiences to draw from, and also to observe, ask him questions to engage in discussions about his interests, and enjoy with him. For "actively learn", I put observing, asking questions, practicing, inputting information (which could be reading, movie-watching, etc.), and requesting experiences. And my role is to provide a variety of experiences in the depth and breadth that he is comfortable with, answer questions/help find answers, keep his questioning intact, keep his passion for learning intact, honing the tools to answer questions for his future, and ask him questions. It is important to me to point out that play is a form of active learning, and active learning happens during play. These things could have been one category. The other categories I made focused mostly on functioning within a family and with friends and revolve around ways of communicating and dealing with conflict, and our newly acquired interaction principles "be safe, respectful, and sincere" (more details on this in another post). Najaia's role is the basically the same as Noble's.
Kassidy's role is a middle ground between me and Noble/Najaia, embracing bits of both in the delicate dance of a preteen. Her description goes something to the tune of, "Kassidy's role in the family is helping care for children, home, and animals. Her role is to play and actively learn about herself, her family, her friends, her community, and the world at large." As far as "responsibility", it is just to help (details focus on what "on her own" and "when asked" entail). Play looks different today than it did 5 years ago, or even 5 months ago (it's not "playing", it's "hanging out"), but play definitely happens, even if I don't tell her that I would categorize some of her experiences as "play" :)) Again, "play" and "actively learning" are even more closely related, as all of her endeavors (creative or otherwise) revolve around a desire to actively learn in life. She is learning about self through her interests, time spent with loved ones, time spent alone. She is learning about family through our interactions and discussions, our pow wows, our fun, our creative ways of being responsible. She is learning about friend's through interactions with them and discussions about things like communication, conflict, and interaction styles and strategies. She is learning about community as she sees me building our Tribe piece by piece, as she lives IN our town and sees people's functions and interactions. And she learns about the world through experimentation, reading, observing, and having conversations with me about things :))
So, I hope this clarifies what some roles in a whole-life unschooling family look like :) My next post will be about "be safe, respectful, and sincere".
Being the mother, mine was chocked full of responsibilities, and being a mama, it was full of substance and intrinsically-motivated endeavors :))
Noble and Najaia, being small children, focused more on living and learning than on responsibility and went something to the tune of, "Noble's role in this family is to play and actively learn about himself, his family, his friends, his community, and the world at large, as well as how to function with them in a way that honors his self." Then I divided his "duties" into some categories, like play, actively learn, self, family, friends, community, and world. For "play", his duties are to reenact, explore, experiment, and enjoy. And my role in supporting him in this is to provide stuff to use, space to do it, time to do it to, and experiences to draw from, and also to observe, ask him questions to engage in discussions about his interests, and enjoy with him. For "actively learn", I put observing, asking questions, practicing, inputting information (which could be reading, movie-watching, etc.), and requesting experiences. And my role is to provide a variety of experiences in the depth and breadth that he is comfortable with, answer questions/help find answers, keep his questioning intact, keep his passion for learning intact, honing the tools to answer questions for his future, and ask him questions. It is important to me to point out that play is a form of active learning, and active learning happens during play. These things could have been one category. The other categories I made focused mostly on functioning within a family and with friends and revolve around ways of communicating and dealing with conflict, and our newly acquired interaction principles "be safe, respectful, and sincere" (more details on this in another post). Najaia's role is the basically the same as Noble's.
Kassidy's role is a middle ground between me and Noble/Najaia, embracing bits of both in the delicate dance of a preteen. Her description goes something to the tune of, "Kassidy's role in the family is helping care for children, home, and animals. Her role is to play and actively learn about herself, her family, her friends, her community, and the world at large." As far as "responsibility", it is just to help (details focus on what "on her own" and "when asked" entail). Play looks different today than it did 5 years ago, or even 5 months ago (it's not "playing", it's "hanging out"), but play definitely happens, even if I don't tell her that I would categorize some of her experiences as "play" :)) Again, "play" and "actively learning" are even more closely related, as all of her endeavors (creative or otherwise) revolve around a desire to actively learn in life. She is learning about self through her interests, time spent with loved ones, time spent alone. She is learning about family through our interactions and discussions, our pow wows, our fun, our creative ways of being responsible. She is learning about friend's through interactions with them and discussions about things like communication, conflict, and interaction styles and strategies. She is learning about community as she sees me building our Tribe piece by piece, as she lives IN our town and sees people's functions and interactions. And she learns about the world through experimentation, reading, observing, and having conversations with me about things :))
So, I hope this clarifies what some roles in a whole-life unschooling family look like :) My next post will be about "be safe, respectful, and sincere".
A Family Well Organized
I think that being a home-maker is different to me than being a stay-at-home mom. I have thought about this before: my kid's and my home are my job, and I want to treat them accordingly. I have been a stay-at-home mom long enough and am ready to take on the job of being a home-maker. I have let the concept grow from within, from the rich black soil of de-jobbing for long enough.
I thought, as a mom, who would I hire to best care for my kids, and what would I want their days and lives to look like?
First thing, I wrote up a job description: My job as a home-maker means I care for children, home, and animals. It means making our house an inviting home, deeply and playfully loving our animals, and enriching the children's lives to the best of my ability."
Then I made a list of duties, broken into 3 categories: home, kids, and animals. I was careful to not get too detailed or unrealistic -- if I were taking on a job, what would appeal to me and be doable for me?
"Home" included cleaning, organizing, simplifying, and beautifying the home, and budgeting, cooking/prepping food, driving, paperwork, planning, and progressing (making things "better" and evolving) the household.
"Kids" involved helping them meet their own goals, doing strewing (new) activities with them, setting up a loose schedule, practicing our family principles with them (be safe, respectful, and sincere -- I will elaborate on these in another post), researching/learning to update my info on being the best home-maker I can be, and living a nourishing lifestyle (nourishing food, sleep, play, conflict, communication, quiet time, togetherness, etc.).
The "animals" were basic care done promptly and lots of play :))
After organizing my responsibilities, I was sharing with Kass about it, and we started to make one for her (and then I started one for Noble and Najaia), which I will share in another post, but let's just say it focused on their roles in our family and jobs as a person, in general.
So, I decided that what this newly uber-organized home-maker mama needed was a family planner/organizer to reflect our life and enable us to be our most enriched selves :)) I made this organizer from a repurposed journal cover and cardstock (to last).
I glued some pockets to the inside of the covers to hold loose papers. I wrote my "beginning month stuff" (budget, list of household supplies we typically buy at one month or another) on the other side of the page of the calendar,
and wrote stuff for our monthly pow wow on the other side of the back calendar page.
I have some "lists" (ideas for different calendar things -- parkday ideas, sustainability tips, etc) to add to some pages behind the calendar (once I transfer them to paper that is the same size as the calendar pages, so there are no creases when I write). I tied it all up with some twine, and it can be totally revamped as my needs find throughout this month of using it. I made sure that the actual calendar reflected the organic growth of rhythm already present in our life, with just enough new stuff to not feel overwhelmed. I don't want to live my life based on what a paper says to do, so I know that if we end up ditching this and just going with the flow of life, then this organizer is not working right for our family. I just want to help us organize, not dictate :))
I feel prepared and accomplished. I feel organized, simplified, deconstructed, and re(self)constructed :))
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Social and Global Change
This is kind of where I'm at right now:
"We hear so much about global warming, the greenhouse effect, deforestation, pollution and famine. It's easy to get sucked into the mentality that all is lost. Instead, we can choose to see the Abundance, Prosperity, Thriving, and the Well-being that abounds on our planet. Where you focus makes a difference in not only your life, but in the World!"
Dayna Martin
"We hear so much about global warming, the greenhouse effect, deforestation, pollution and famine. It's easy to get sucked into the mentality that all is lost. Instead, we can choose to see the Abundance, Prosperity, Thriving, and the Well-being that abounds on our planet. Where you focus makes a difference in not only your life, but in the World!"
Dayna Martin
Patterns & Gentleness
Michael Brown:
PATTERNS & GENTLENESS
PRIMARY INTENT: Sometimes all we can do is hold ourselves gently until the hurt dissipates - and sometimes this has to be enough.
VIBRATIONAL INTENT: Patterns. Consider that because of the emotional charge we have attached to certain past events - that when reflections of them occur in our life we recoil - not realizing these to be shadows of unresolved energetic patterns. Consider for example, when someone says something that triggers us deeply, that hurts us to the core, even though we know they did not mean to, it still can be hard for us not to resort to hurtful stories within our imagination - and to suddenly change the way we are relating to them. Even when we know they meant nothing by it - it is hard to not see them through the resonance of our own hurt. Consider that if we had no charge attached to what was said, their words would have moved through our awareness without any sudden explosion of emotional discomfort. Consider that such instances occurring now in our lives are simply energetic patterns surfacing for conscious integration. We feel it personally - yes - but taking it personally only leads us deeper into hurtfulness.
HEART INTENT: Gentleness. Consider that 'conscious integration of something' is the same as 'hugging an aspect of our experience'. Consider that when our experience most requires a hug is when it is hardest to embrace it - because the very encounter requiring conscious integration causes us simultaneously to recoil. Consider that when we are hurting internally, that the balm of gentleness radiated from our own heart toward whatever aspect of our experience is suffering, is causal. Consider that one of the greatest capacities worth developing is metaphorically holding ourselves gently while we are hurting - not to fix anything - not to try and make anything better - but just because it is the most loving response.
PATTERNS & GENTLENESS
PRIMARY INTENT: Sometimes all we can do is hold ourselves gently until the hurt dissipates - and sometimes this has to be enough.
VIBRATIONAL INTENT: Patterns. Consider that because of the emotional charge we have attached to certain past events - that when reflections of them occur in our life we recoil - not realizing these to be shadows of unresolved energetic patterns. Consider for example, when someone says something that triggers us deeply, that hurts us to the core, even though we know they did not mean to, it still can be hard for us not to resort to hurtful stories within our imagination - and to suddenly change the way we are relating to them. Even when we know they meant nothing by it - it is hard to not see them through the resonance of our own hurt. Consider that if we had no charge attached to what was said, their words would have moved through our awareness without any sudden explosion of emotional discomfort. Consider that such instances occurring now in our lives are simply energetic patterns surfacing for conscious integration. We feel it personally - yes - but taking it personally only leads us deeper into hurtfulness.
HEART INTENT: Gentleness. Consider that 'conscious integration of something' is the same as 'hugging an aspect of our experience'. Consider that when our experience most requires a hug is when it is hardest to embrace it - because the very encounter requiring conscious integration causes us simultaneously to recoil. Consider that when we are hurting internally, that the balm of gentleness radiated from our own heart toward whatever aspect of our experience is suffering, is causal. Consider that one of the greatest capacities worth developing is metaphorically holding ourselves gently while we are hurting - not to fix anything - not to try and make anything better - but just because it is the most loving response.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Unschooling
This is something I wrote in (probably -- it's undated) 2009:
Unschooling is more interested in and focused on attitudes than information -- attitudes about learning, about life, and about the relationship between the two. The information is consequential. Institutional school focuses on the attainment of information for the purpose of a certificate of achievement, with little regard for lifelong attitudes toward learning -- and because of this, their methodology often causes irreparable harm to the intrinsic processes that make children lifelong learners.
** currently, I have more hope than the "irreparable" harm schools can do. But I do believe it is much messier than it may need to be! :))
Unschooling is more interested in and focused on attitudes than information -- attitudes about learning, about life, and about the relationship between the two. The information is consequential. Institutional school focuses on the attainment of information for the purpose of a certificate of achievement, with little regard for lifelong attitudes toward learning -- and because of this, their methodology often causes irreparable harm to the intrinsic processes that make children lifelong learners.
** currently, I have more hope than the "irreparable" harm schools can do. But I do believe it is much messier than it may need to be! :))
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Birth
I never knew what a birth junkie I was, until preparing for the unassisted birth of my third child. Yes, I said my third LOL With my first 2, I didn't research birth. With my first, I was actually terrified of the upcoming birth and decided to not think about it. When the time came, I just took it one step at a time, did an amazing job of birthing naturally, and ended up on a mommy high for months afterward! With my second child, I loved my pregnant body a million times more, but I thought there was nothing new to learn about birth since I'd one it before, already. HA! I learned with him that I almost had him in a bathtub while I was waiting for my contractions to get "consistent" like the midwife had told me to do before calling again and heading down to the hospital-based birth center. I learned that stress makes ALL the difference when it comes to pain. I learned that I was DEFINITELY having my homebirth with my third and final child someday. And I learned that I was going to be oh-so picky about who the attending midwife was going to be. Hadn't expected that I wouldn't have one :))
While researching for about 6 months for my unassisted birth, I found so much AMAZING information about women and birth and life and living and ritual and cycles and emotions and goddesses and legacies and trust and flowing and atmosphere. Birth was my world for those few months. I adored my growing belly and took better care of myself than I ever had -- listening to myself, exploring issues, trusting the insides. It was such an amazing journey, and I cannot do the experience justice in so little words <3 So, I gave birth. Birth was so symbolic for me. I felt more empowered than ever in my life. I felt more connected to every women who has ever birthed, was birthing, and would birth. Birth, birth, birth, birth, birth!
Around the time of my daughter's 1st birthday, I started thinking back to how I felt a year ago, big pregnant with potential and opportunity, slower, more tired, awaiting the day when I was done being full and could empty and see it all laying before me -- all that hard internal work, all those dreams manifested, actualized. I felt more beautiful than ever (I was, and I have the pics to prove it!). After giving birth, I felt so light, so small, especially in comparison to the energy magnet before us. I'm gonna be honest, I had been feeling a bit hopeless in my life around my daughter's 1st birthday. I had sunk inward and couldn't seem to gain the momentum to climb out. Then, I had an idea! Today, I don't even remember what that idea was -- haha. What I do remember is that I had a great plan to meet the needs that hadn't been being met for the past few months. I birthed this idea, this opportunity for manifestation and actualization! I felt empowered again. I felt light, after birthing this whole thing I'd been growing in the deep, dark recesses of me. Gone instantly was the tiredness and hopelessness. New birth...
This winter, I sunk in pretty deep. I welcomed the giant hole I wanted to sink into, but I kept getting dragged out of it by my children and then puppies. I wanted to be swallowed whole and come out when I was ready. Two or three nights before the lunar eclipse, I learned about it and about how rare it is and the amazing experience it was. I felt instantly connected with Grandmother Moon, and anticipated this amazing symbolic event. Yule. What could we do for Yule? I researched some stories of Yule, since I had only threads of a tapestry of what Yule was, handed down from my mom and now just pieces haunting my understanding of it. The story I found was about the first Yule. It goes something like... Mother Earth slept progressively more during the fall and winter months, until her children could not rouse her to provide them with food and care. Their father, Sun, was also retreating further and further away into the night sky. The children turned to Grandmother Moon for advice, and she suggested they climb the highest hills and trees and yule to him ("yule" meaning "sing/carol"), so they did, and the Father Sun returned, and the Mother Earth awoke. And they all progressed toward spring and summer. My oldest and I spent the day caroling Yule songs, yuling the Sun to us and to awaken the Earth. And something magickal happened -- a kindling, a tranformation. I felt myself ready to climb out of that hole I'd been enjoying and trusting and rejuvinating in, and days later I realized that I felt more like an earthy mama than ever!
Now, here I am. I have shaken off the old dead stuff and am reborn, rejuvinated, refreshed, with the energy needed to sustain spring and looking forward to summer. The winter solstice was a time of letting go and of rebirth. I felt freshness and ideas popping up, as if spring were already here. I felt instantly ready to, not only take on life, but to succeed in my ventures. As the new year greeted us, I was gushing with ideas for life, ideas for inspired order in all the delicious chaos, ideas for new rich and plentiful experiences to savor in this new year, ideas for coaxing partnership out from the basement and into the family room ♥ I feel like I have been big pregnant with so much going on inside me, and now I have birthed, and I feel light and agile, capable and empowered. Birth is so amazing, be it physical or something else entirely :) Seeing my life in the "birth, life, death, rebirth" cycle analogy has been so insightful. It helps me to appreciate, respect, and celebrate each of the cycles of me, and to trust that when it seems like a dark hour, maybe it is the moment of giving birth.
**I dedicate this blog post to my baby sister, who has birthed many times, but may have her first daughter any day now ♥
While researching for about 6 months for my unassisted birth, I found so much AMAZING information about women and birth and life and living and ritual and cycles and emotions and goddesses and legacies and trust and flowing and atmosphere. Birth was my world for those few months. I adored my growing belly and took better care of myself than I ever had -- listening to myself, exploring issues, trusting the insides. It was such an amazing journey, and I cannot do the experience justice in so little words <3 So, I gave birth. Birth was so symbolic for me. I felt more empowered than ever in my life. I felt more connected to every women who has ever birthed, was birthing, and would birth. Birth, birth, birth, birth, birth!
Around the time of my daughter's 1st birthday, I started thinking back to how I felt a year ago, big pregnant with potential and opportunity, slower, more tired, awaiting the day when I was done being full and could empty and see it all laying before me -- all that hard internal work, all those dreams manifested, actualized. I felt more beautiful than ever (I was, and I have the pics to prove it!). After giving birth, I felt so light, so small, especially in comparison to the energy magnet before us. I'm gonna be honest, I had been feeling a bit hopeless in my life around my daughter's 1st birthday. I had sunk inward and couldn't seem to gain the momentum to climb out. Then, I had an idea! Today, I don't even remember what that idea was -- haha. What I do remember is that I had a great plan to meet the needs that hadn't been being met for the past few months. I birthed this idea, this opportunity for manifestation and actualization! I felt empowered again. I felt light, after birthing this whole thing I'd been growing in the deep, dark recesses of me. Gone instantly was the tiredness and hopelessness. New birth...
This winter, I sunk in pretty deep. I welcomed the giant hole I wanted to sink into, but I kept getting dragged out of it by my children and then puppies. I wanted to be swallowed whole and come out when I was ready. Two or three nights before the lunar eclipse, I learned about it and about how rare it is and the amazing experience it was. I felt instantly connected with Grandmother Moon, and anticipated this amazing symbolic event. Yule. What could we do for Yule? I researched some stories of Yule, since I had only threads of a tapestry of what Yule was, handed down from my mom and now just pieces haunting my understanding of it. The story I found was about the first Yule. It goes something like... Mother Earth slept progressively more during the fall and winter months, until her children could not rouse her to provide them with food and care. Their father, Sun, was also retreating further and further away into the night sky. The children turned to Grandmother Moon for advice, and she suggested they climb the highest hills and trees and yule to him ("yule" meaning "sing/carol"), so they did, and the Father Sun returned, and the Mother Earth awoke. And they all progressed toward spring and summer. My oldest and I spent the day caroling Yule songs, yuling the Sun to us and to awaken the Earth. And something magickal happened -- a kindling, a tranformation. I felt myself ready to climb out of that hole I'd been enjoying and trusting and rejuvinating in, and days later I realized that I felt more like an earthy mama than ever!
Now, here I am. I have shaken off the old dead stuff and am reborn, rejuvinated, refreshed, with the energy needed to sustain spring and looking forward to summer. The winter solstice was a time of letting go and of rebirth. I felt freshness and ideas popping up, as if spring were already here. I felt instantly ready to, not only take on life, but to succeed in my ventures. As the new year greeted us, I was gushing with ideas for life, ideas for inspired order in all the delicious chaos, ideas for new rich and plentiful experiences to savor in this new year, ideas for coaxing partnership out from the basement and into the family room ♥ I feel like I have been big pregnant with so much going on inside me, and now I have birthed, and I feel light and agile, capable and empowered. Birth is so amazing, be it physical or something else entirely :) Seeing my life in the "birth, life, death, rebirth" cycle analogy has been so insightful. It helps me to appreciate, respect, and celebrate each of the cycles of me, and to trust that when it seems like a dark hour, maybe it is the moment of giving birth.
**I dedicate this blog post to my baby sister, who has birthed many times, but may have her first daughter any day now ♥
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
A New Identity -- Church-goer?
I was the kid who never questioned why my parents divorced, or ever wondered why they couldn't be together. I knew. I couldn't imagine my parents together -- they were so different. For example, my mom was a tree-hugging dirt worshipper (she practiced Witchcraft), and my dad was a Pentecostal preacher. My mom didn't tell me, for many years, about her faith (for fears concerning custody with my dad). I just knew that she kindly declined going to church, even though my stepmom told me how important it was to get her to go. Witchcraft and other Pagan beliefs are so different in that aspect -- don't find too many Pagan missionaries :)) Well, my mom finally told me everything she had been holding on to the year I came home from my dad's talking about how evil gay people were, that they were going to hell -- repeating what I'd heard in a recent sermon by my dad. My mom and I had a long good talk then :) It changed my life. But it didn't change my dad's stance on my attending church -- he made me and my siblings go every Sunday, regardless. Regardless of the fact that he knew it was not MY church -- my faith was different. I built up a very strong resentment of going to church -- so much so that I started not even wanting to visit my dad, or planning my visits to avoid Sundays. At one point I remember thinking to myself, "If I don't want to be here, what does he REALLY think I am going to get out of this?"
It wasn't until recently that I realized just how much my identity is based upon not being a church-goer. Although I don't identify as the anti-Christian I once did, I have to admit that I have grown fond of the quiet Sunday mornings in the city. I expect stores and restaurants to be less crowded, and I don't own any clothes that could pass as "Sunday best". I know my daughter's friends won't be knocking on my door or ringing my doorbell until well after noon on Sundays. The only regular thing we do (so far) on a certain day of the week is our radical unschooling parkday, which, I assure you, looks nothing like a church sermon LOL It goes even deeper, but I can't find the words to explain how far-removed I am from the ritual of Sunday church.
So, what, you may ask, could draw me out of this long-held, very comfortable place? Unitarian Universalist. My family has been drawn toward wanting some spiritual growth in life, as well as community. I first heard of UU from a dear atheist liberal friend, who could not say enough wonderful things about it. I had heard there was one about 30 minutes or so from us, and I kept wanting to check it out, but I knew I couldn't commit to such a long drive every week. Then a friend told me there was one in my neighboring city. Well, after my Goddess awakening, I looked into it. I devoured their website. Things like this:
Unitarian Universalism is a caring, open-minded religion that encourages you to seek your own spiritual path. Our Faith draws on many religious traditions, welcoming people with different beliefs. We are united by shared values, not by creed or dogma. Our congregations are places where people gather to nurture their spirits and put their faith into action by helping to make our communities—and the world—a better place.
Unitarian Universalists (UUs) are committed not only to spiritual growth and transformation but also to involvement in the world. Social justice, sustainable living, ethical treatment of animals are just a few of things we work toward.
You can see how this fits into my values... So, after devouring the website, I knew that this place held my ideals, and I looked forward to going to the church to see how it felt in person. Honestly, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to stomach the "church"-likeness of it. But the rituals felt so earth- and natural-centered. And they took long pauses in between the "God-free" wisdom the minister (a woman with at least one tattoo) shared about the cycle of life (entitled "New Beginnings", and concluding a 2-part piece -- the 1st half entitled "Letting Go"). And people said "Namaste" and "Blessed be". They sat with their hands in the OM position to soak in the words and the silence. These were my people! I felt so at home, tears, literally, filled my eyes. Home? Church? Yes... I saw people who looked like me and knew I wasn't different, that my kids weren't going to be different for their non-Christian, but spiritual beliefs. My oldest could sort out her own path of believing in a God bt not quite feeling like Christianity was the right fit for her.
I want to conclude with a song that we sang, an affirmation that I want to revisit very often (maybe every day?)...
It wasn't until recently that I realized just how much my identity is based upon not being a church-goer. Although I don't identify as the anti-Christian I once did, I have to admit that I have grown fond of the quiet Sunday mornings in the city. I expect stores and restaurants to be less crowded, and I don't own any clothes that could pass as "Sunday best". I know my daughter's friends won't be knocking on my door or ringing my doorbell until well after noon on Sundays. The only regular thing we do (so far) on a certain day of the week is our radical unschooling parkday, which, I assure you, looks nothing like a church sermon LOL It goes even deeper, but I can't find the words to explain how far-removed I am from the ritual of Sunday church.
So, what, you may ask, could draw me out of this long-held, very comfortable place? Unitarian Universalist. My family has been drawn toward wanting some spiritual growth in life, as well as community. I first heard of UU from a dear atheist liberal friend, who could not say enough wonderful things about it. I had heard there was one about 30 minutes or so from us, and I kept wanting to check it out, but I knew I couldn't commit to such a long drive every week. Then a friend told me there was one in my neighboring city. Well, after my Goddess awakening, I looked into it. I devoured their website. Things like this:
Unitarian Universalism is a caring, open-minded religion that encourages you to seek your own spiritual path. Our Faith draws on many religious traditions, welcoming people with different beliefs. We are united by shared values, not by creed or dogma. Our congregations are places where people gather to nurture their spirits and put their faith into action by helping to make our communities—and the world—a better place.
Unitarian Universalists (UUs) are committed not only to spiritual growth and transformation but also to involvement in the world. Social justice, sustainable living, ethical treatment of animals are just a few of things we work toward.
You can see how this fits into my values... So, after devouring the website, I knew that this place held my ideals, and I looked forward to going to the church to see how it felt in person. Honestly, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to stomach the "church"-likeness of it. But the rituals felt so earth- and natural-centered. And they took long pauses in between the "God-free" wisdom the minister (a woman with at least one tattoo) shared about the cycle of life (entitled "New Beginnings", and concluding a 2-part piece -- the 1st half entitled "Letting Go"). And people said "Namaste" and "Blessed be". They sat with their hands in the OM position to soak in the words and the silence. These were my people! I felt so at home, tears, literally, filled my eyes. Home? Church? Yes... I saw people who looked like me and knew I wasn't different, that my kids weren't going to be different for their non-Christian, but spiritual beliefs. My oldest could sort out her own path of believing in a God bt not quite feeling like Christianity was the right fit for her.
I want to conclude with a song that we sang, an affirmation that I want to revisit very often (maybe every day?)...
May I be filled with loving kindness
May I be well
May I be filled with loving kindness
May I be well
May I be peaceful and at ease
May I be whole
May you be filled with loving kindness
May you be well
May you be filled with loving kindness
May you be well
May you be peaceful and at ease
May you be whole
May we be filled with loving kindness
May we be well
May we be filled with loving kindness
May we be well
May we be peaceful and at ease
May we be whole
Namaste, Dear Reader.
Monday, January 3, 2011
I'm Dreaming of a Green Christmas
So! This was the first year that we bought a tree that wasn't still rooted, in my attempt to focus on the holiday spirit this year, and to not be unrealistic about the continued care for a rooted tree (we've lost 2 now).
But, now that the holiday is over, this tree is just standing in my living room, waiting. I didn't quite know what to do with it, so we were all just waiting. It seems wasteful and uncaring to discard of a tree that grew for years and gave its life for our holiday enjoyment -- 3 weeks, that's it? So, it sat. I thought. I lived. I got an email, my friend's blog posts, from her business and her personal blog. MB is one of my favorite people in the whole world! And these posts were some of my favorite blog entries I've ever read. I continued living life, feeling uber-inspired by the ins and outs of a "zero landfill" concept. Suddenly, ah-ha! Solution to my tree delima!
Let me back up... I decided on a homemade holiday this year. I handmade some pretty cool things, often to replace stuff I had bought but now wasn't feeling anymore. Did you see the tree skirt I made in the pic above? I bought some stuff to make some ornaments, and I made a star to top our tree from the branches that I trimmed off the bottom of the tree.
It is wrapped with lavender hemp, silver wire, and natural hemp. I just love the shape, and I love even more that it came from the tree itself :) So, I have decided to trim all the branches off the tree and use them to make decorations, either to sell next year or to decorate our new tree with next year or to send to loved ones as a gift. And then we can saw the trunk, dry the wood, and use them for a fire next winter holiday :)) I was thinking of a few ideas. First, I was thinking it would be a perfect Yule log, since we can "piggyback" on the emotional attachment to this tree that brought us such love and enjoyment this year. Then, I thought how cool it would be to have a countdown to Yule with the logs, or maybe light one every night between Yule and Christmas, or something. Some new tradition that we can start :)) I love the idea that this tree is being appreciated SO much and that I have not been careless with it's life. Trees get cut down for firewood, right? So, here we are :)))
I've got so many wonderful plans for a greener Christmas next year :)) Cloth wrapping "paper" (this year we spent the bulk of our budget on holiday stuff, instead of presents, so we did a homemade stocking for each of my kids), more natural homemade stuff (like these ornaments), donations in people's honor -- the sky's the limit! The funniest part is that I will be making stuff for weeks after the actual holidays :)) I still need to make a paper bead garland for my tree and finish harvesting this tree and making the ornaments -- in fact, I still have some ornaments that need to be beaded and my homemade holiday cards (that we spent weeks making) to send out! LOL I was thinking about "we are early for next year", but I think I'm gonna go with "better late than never" :))
Please share some ideas you have for a greener winter holiday -- I can't be green enough! :))
But, now that the holiday is over, this tree is just standing in my living room, waiting. I didn't quite know what to do with it, so we were all just waiting. It seems wasteful and uncaring to discard of a tree that grew for years and gave its life for our holiday enjoyment -- 3 weeks, that's it? So, it sat. I thought. I lived. I got an email, my friend's blog posts, from her business and her personal blog. MB is one of my favorite people in the whole world! And these posts were some of my favorite blog entries I've ever read. I continued living life, feeling uber-inspired by the ins and outs of a "zero landfill" concept. Suddenly, ah-ha! Solution to my tree delima!
Let me back up... I decided on a homemade holiday this year. I handmade some pretty cool things, often to replace stuff I had bought but now wasn't feeling anymore. Did you see the tree skirt I made in the pic above? I bought some stuff to make some ornaments, and I made a star to top our tree from the branches that I trimmed off the bottom of the tree.
I've got so many wonderful plans for a greener Christmas next year :)) Cloth wrapping "paper" (this year we spent the bulk of our budget on holiday stuff, instead of presents, so we did a homemade stocking for each of my kids), more natural homemade stuff (like these ornaments), donations in people's honor -- the sky's the limit! The funniest part is that I will be making stuff for weeks after the actual holidays :)) I still need to make a paper bead garland for my tree and finish harvesting this tree and making the ornaments -- in fact, I still have some ornaments that need to be beaded and my homemade holiday cards (that we spent weeks making) to send out! LOL I was thinking about "we are early for next year", but I think I'm gonna go with "better late than never" :))
Please share some ideas you have for a greener winter holiday -- I can't be green enough! :))
Saturday, January 1, 2011
The Birth of a New Year
After my deep and dark retreat before the winter solstice, I feel big pregnant with ideas of ways to organize, simplify, change, and enjoy my life. The new year is a natural time for me to put particular energy toward certain things for my life, so maybe that is where the idea of "new years resolutions" came into being?
The new year is like a new birth for me: full of opportunities and potential for limitless self and life design. I am really feeling birth analogies these days, btw. Life is a constant cycle of birth, life, death, rebirth. Exciting.
Usually, when I am designing my "new year's resolutions", I divide "me" up into my roles (parent, student, employee, family member, friend, etc.), and I decide what about each of those parts could use some revamping. Sometimes, I will search through old "new year resolutions" to pick apart the different areas or ways of dividing and defining myself, to get the most out of my new opportunity for growth.
This year, I am going a bit more organic, seamless, grassroots. I'm just looking at my life and seeing what needs some change or growth. This year, my areas of life are: me, family & home, tribe & community, and earth. And here are some of the ways I want to live in each of those areas in this new year :)
Me: me time weekly, crafty and creative even more, read books, commitment to honesty (frankness) to myself and others particularly when it is uncomfortable, slow and gradual living and changing, try interests I've been holding onto and not doing, spiritual growth, Operation Beautiful (more on that later), and staying consistant with my blogs.
Family & Home: harmony, spiritual growth, strewing/learning opportunities, finances, clean home and van, order to the current chaos (like a loose schedule -- more on that later, too), involve kids more in decisions, and organize, simplify, and beautify our home and ourselves.
Tribe & Community: attend the local Unitarian Universalist church, join Spiral Scouts (or some equivalent of a group to meet with every week for a shared purpose), more involvement with our radical unschooling group, and connect more with loved ones.
Earth: baby steps toward sustainable living, and activism through sharing info on my blogs.
After I decide on some goals, I think of methods to attain each goal. This year, I went quite wild with the details. I won't share everything, but I will share some examples of the details, because I am particularly excited about how I found ways to make things work and thought of them myself :))
First of all, I took some vague bits, like "organize, simplify, and beautify home & self" and picked each bit apart, by making a 3 x 2 matrix. So, ideas for organizing home, organizing self, simplifying home, simplifying self, beautifying home, and beautifying self.
Also, I made bucket lists for some things, like the interests I want to finally try, strewing opportunities, things I can do to intentionally feel more beautiful, ways to live more sustainably, ways to simplify and organize my finances, etc.
The one I am most excited about (and ties it all together) is finding "order in the current chaos (a loose schedule)". I am always trying to find a way of organizing some structure in a way that it works and will last, and I have yet to find a way, until (possibly) today. I have tried a checklist (like a chore chart). I have tried a monthly, weekly, and daily schedule (grid style). I have tried using a dry-erase board. I have tried using an app or 2 on my iPhone. Today, I made 3 sections: monthly, weekly, and daily, and I listed things that I would like for us to do as often in each category. THEN, I looked back on my list of "me, family & home, tribe & community, and earth" and fit each important thing into those "monthly, weekly, and daily" lists of things to do. So, for example...
After I filled and organized the "monthly, weekly, and daily" lists to my heart's content, I made a list of ways I could make those lists physical in my life. What I want ends up being a delicate balance between structure & thoroughness and flexibility & simplicity. Currently, I have decided to print out the lists and just check in on them throughout the day to see what I might feel ready to do next. The lists are full of things that will make me feel nourished and accomplished, but if some things don't get done, whatever. Mostly, I want to live a slow-paced, rich and interesting, love- and joy-filled life with my children, and if we are accomplishing that without accomplishing everything on my lists, that's fine, too :))
I wanted to share some of my ways of organizing my plans for the new year and my fresh new structure, in case any of it appeals to you for your own life. I am also very interested in hearing what ways you synthesize and create structure in your life and schedule. Please feel free to share in the comments section below.
***note: my "u" button is not working very well, so if I missed a "u", hopefully it wasn't too confusing to see what word I was trying to type! :)
The new year is like a new birth for me: full of opportunities and potential for limitless self and life design. I am really feeling birth analogies these days, btw. Life is a constant cycle of birth, life, death, rebirth. Exciting.
Usually, when I am designing my "new year's resolutions", I divide "me" up into my roles (parent, student, employee, family member, friend, etc.), and I decide what about each of those parts could use some revamping. Sometimes, I will search through old "new year resolutions" to pick apart the different areas or ways of dividing and defining myself, to get the most out of my new opportunity for growth.
This year, I am going a bit more organic, seamless, grassroots. I'm just looking at my life and seeing what needs some change or growth. This year, my areas of life are: me, family & home, tribe & community, and earth. And here are some of the ways I want to live in each of those areas in this new year :)
Me: me time weekly, crafty and creative even more, read books, commitment to honesty (frankness) to myself and others particularly when it is uncomfortable, slow and gradual living and changing, try interests I've been holding onto and not doing, spiritual growth, Operation Beautiful (more on that later), and staying consistant with my blogs.
Family & Home: harmony, spiritual growth, strewing/learning opportunities, finances, clean home and van, order to the current chaos (like a loose schedule -- more on that later, too), involve kids more in decisions, and organize, simplify, and beautify our home and ourselves.
Tribe & Community: attend the local Unitarian Universalist church, join Spiral Scouts (or some equivalent of a group to meet with every week for a shared purpose), more involvement with our radical unschooling group, and connect more with loved ones.
Earth: baby steps toward sustainable living, and activism through sharing info on my blogs.
After I decide on some goals, I think of methods to attain each goal. This year, I went quite wild with the details. I won't share everything, but I will share some examples of the details, because I am particularly excited about how I found ways to make things work and thought of them myself :))
First of all, I took some vague bits, like "organize, simplify, and beautify home & self" and picked each bit apart, by making a 3 x 2 matrix. So, ideas for organizing home, organizing self, simplifying home, simplifying self, beautifying home, and beautifying self.
Also, I made bucket lists for some things, like the interests I want to finally try, strewing opportunities, things I can do to intentionally feel more beautiful, ways to live more sustainably, ways to simplify and organize my finances, etc.
The one I am most excited about (and ties it all together) is finding "order in the current chaos (a loose schedule)". I am always trying to find a way of organizing some structure in a way that it works and will last, and I have yet to find a way, until (possibly) today. I have tried a checklist (like a chore chart). I have tried a monthly, weekly, and daily schedule (grid style). I have tried using a dry-erase board. I have tried using an app or 2 on my iPhone. Today, I made 3 sections: monthly, weekly, and daily, and I listed things that I would like for us to do as often in each category. THEN, I looked back on my list of "me, family & home, tribe & community, and earth" and fit each important thing into those "monthly, weekly, and daily" lists of things to do. So, for example...
- Once a month my family is going to have a pow-wow to discuss decisions for the family and home (like the next month's budget, changes in interactions between family members, ideas for a big strewing opportunity we will do each month, etc.), I want to do a big project for the home (organize the garage, scan and discard photographs, etc.), take a step toward living more sustainably, shampoo the carpets, go to the library, send pictures to internet-less family, etc.
- Once a week, I want to go for a family walk or bike ride, go to the YMCA for some me-time/exercise while babies play in the childcare there, post a blog post, do a big messy art project, clean the house and van, etc.
- And every day I want to have cuddle time with each of my children, do something intentional to feel beautiful, meditate, eat something uber-nourishing (somedays it is rocky road ice-cream, and some days it is a green machine Naked juice -- hope you get the point of "nourishment"), mop my tile floors, nurse my children in a state of complete presence, and spend 15 minutes (at least) learning or trying something new ("15 minutes of strewing", I'm calling it), etc.
After I filled and organized the "monthly, weekly, and daily" lists to my heart's content, I made a list of ways I could make those lists physical in my life. What I want ends up being a delicate balance between structure & thoroughness and flexibility & simplicity. Currently, I have decided to print out the lists and just check in on them throughout the day to see what I might feel ready to do next. The lists are full of things that will make me feel nourished and accomplished, but if some things don't get done, whatever. Mostly, I want to live a slow-paced, rich and interesting, love- and joy-filled life with my children, and if we are accomplishing that without accomplishing everything on my lists, that's fine, too :))
I wanted to share some of my ways of organizing my plans for the new year and my fresh new structure, in case any of it appeals to you for your own life. I am also very interested in hearing what ways you synthesize and create structure in your life and schedule. Please feel free to share in the comments section below.
***note: my "u" button is not working very well, so if I missed a "u", hopefully it wasn't too confusing to see what word I was trying to type! :)
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