The Myth of the Permissive Parent

What is a permissive parent? Someone who handles something with less involvement than we would? Someone who allows and allows? "Permissive" is so relative (based on individual measures of "shoulds"), and it is a completely subjective observation from the outside (none of us have walked a step in that parents' shoes).
I am often seen as a permissive parent, because I don't "do anything" about my 3-yr-old son hitting me when he is upset. I can only imagine what people expect me to do, but since I don't do that, I'm seen as allowing and permitting. Because my level of involvement doesn't meet their expectations of "what a good parent does", they miss what I do do. I love my son and trust that his outlet of frustration has a purpose, and I empathize with his frustration, and I tell him that hurts and that I don't want to be hurt, and I offer alternatives (like hitting a pillow or sword-fighting with foam swords we make), and I try to help him think of things that might remedy what he is frustrated about. It's very intentional and comes from a LOT of reflection and experimentation and research, but to the average bystander it looks like I'm being permissive.
I have so much trust and respect for my oldest's autonomy and sense of adventure that when she checks with me to see if she can go do something, I can't really think of a reason to say no, even if I'm not completely comfortable with it at times. All she wants is my blessing, she knows she has my permission (unless we plan to go somewhere or something, which is usually why be checks in, and so I know where she's at -- btw, she learned to do this on her own; I think I mentioned it once briefly a few years ago, but it's something she grew on her own). To an outsider, it may look permissive, but it's oh-so intentional.
If my kids are arguing, I let them sort it out and am usually pleasantly surprised with the results. An outsider might think I'm being permissive by not stepping in and sorting it out, but it is very intentional that I let my children have authentic relationships and problem solve and experience the lessons from the choices they make. One example, if my oldest does something that hurts my youngest, when I step in and do anything, she becomes defensive and it messes up the empathy she naturally feels for what she has said or done. When I step back and let them feel things through, oh, the learning that happens! From the outside, it may look permissive.
Currently, I found out I am having a problem with high blood pressure, and I've known that I have been over-stressing, being a single mama to 3 (and some so little) and feeling like I'm trying to live up to expectations that were not born from me, inspired or trust-based. So, I have decided that I need to take care of me and my health, and that is going to look a lot like me diverting my attention from things that create stress in me. From the outside, this may look permissive. It's very intentional.
So, my list could go on forever, being a radical unschooling mama :)) I think my point is made :) I don't believe there is such thing as a permissive parent, because none of us know what is going on inside that parent we may think is being permissive, and what constitutes permissiveness is most likely an intentional decision made for someone's well-being, even if it is just the trying-to-be relaxed mama.