Posted this in March 2010:
I was reading something Dayna Martin posted to her group, and I thought it was so profound, and I wanted to share it here and hopefully get some feedback from you all on it :)
"Training a child to be an adult is like someone from a retirement home coming over and punishing us because we aren't yet living as though we are senior citizens. Can you imagine being put in a time-out because we are living our present age and not seventy-five? This absurdity is what children in our culture live every single day, when parents get mad at them for acting like children."
I think, too often, we expect kids to act like adults. I think this society values things that are not characteristic of being a child and devalues things like playfulness and joyful abandon and naïveté and innocence and... and... and. Kids are not mini adults, and how they learn and live requires an understanding and an acceptance of their speed of learning something and their prioreties. We live in a society that makes children act like adults and then frowns upon adults with child-like qualities. When are we supposed to embrace that youth??
I have been very hard on myself for being "young", and I am beginning to understand why, and I am overjoyed that I have realized this, so I can embrace my oldest being "young" (well, all my kids, but she is at the age where I feel pressure for her to start "acting more apprpriate" and such).
April 2010:
I read a blog ("I Am Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write") by an unschooler, named Idzie (link in the Unschoolers Blog sidebar), that got me to thinking. I will post the blog and use the reply area to share my thinking since :)
Something I have heard oh so many times is that, because as teenagers and young adults our brains are not "fully developed", we are "bad" decision makers, and not to be trusted. It's a very frustrating attitude, that really seems to twist scientific data to suite anti-teen feelings in our culture. What constitutes "bad decision making", anyway? That's a very subjective opinion.
When I found this post a while back, I simply loved it. It deals with just that subject, and does so in such a wonderfully positive, pro-people way. It reads in part:
"Though Teen brains may indeed not possess myelin sheaths that adults brains have, that doesn’t make them 'unfinished', in the sense that the article portrays: foolish, flawed, poor decision makers.
Without Teen’s 'unfinished' brains 99% of the risk taking done in the name of love, art, idealism, adventure, protecting family, would disappear.
Teens excel at taking risks because they have perfectly developed brains for doing so.
Saying they have unfinished brains compares to saying a new moon hasn’t 'finished' until it swells to a full moon. The Teen brain marks one moment in the cycle of the brains life where it has enormous potential for one kind of behavior - risk taking, adventure, romantic expression."
I urge you to read the whole post. It's not very long. Personally, I just loved it, and will send it straight to the next person who seeks to silence and dis-empower a teen by telling them of their faulty brains!
Peace,
Idzie
So, this got me thinking about the "ideal" being adultish (we even have the phrase "prime", as I was about to use it!), and anything before it is just about it leading up to being an adult, and anything after one's "prime" is about being "over the hill". It just has me thinking about what we value and how we compare.
What if there is no such thing as an expert (or that we put too much value on it), because every stage leading up to it is perfectly perfect for its own reasons and purposes? What if it isn't a race to the finish line? What if the goal isn't even TO finish, but to live the now to its fullest and see where you end up? What if the path isn't linear? What if it can be but it doesn't have to be?
What if a child or a teen is not an incomplete adult? What amazing implications that holds!!! To honor them in their perfectness instead of trying to *teach them differently or *wait for more/different. What if their "lack" in one area is not a hole waiting for completeness but filled by something just as amazing and awesome?
What if the "goal" or destination is not to be an adult, but to make the most of everything before, during, and after it?
Hmmmm..... Yummy.
(Continueing -- I got sidetracked from my thought but just saw another step)
"What if their "lack" in one area is not a hole waiting for completeness but filled by something just as amazing and awesome?" What if as we become more [insert trait], we let go of an amazing awesome less-valued-by-others trait? If we do it for others, it is something sad and to be mourned, but if we do it for ourselves it is empowering? What if that is my story, my truth, but not The Truth? What if there is no "The Truth"? What if I am influencing my kids' stories by living mine?
This is kindmof the root of unschooling to me -- allowing my children to move at their pace and self design, because I feel sad about someone dictating this for them. I think it is so important, that I want them to be in charge. And I trust them that they have what they need to do it, and that they can do it. And my job is to honor and listen to and support and nourish their process and to be present for them and for it. We are social creatures by nature, and I think the best role I can perform is to be there, to be witness, to listen, to watch, to take care of my self, to possibly provide some ideas of how to do or handle things just by being a model, but to not be too attached to that role, to just hold it loosely and let it be what it is going to be.
Wow, this has turned out to be quite a thread!! :). Most of my "thinking" has been a current train of thought. For the last few days, I was only thinking up to part of the last response.
Wow, good stuff...........
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