Learning

This is how I love to learn, and it shapes how I set up experiences for my kids: I like to explore a bit with the freshness of a novice, get a feel for it for myself, and then maybe learn from someone else on the topic. This gives me the chance to see it all with fresh eyes first, so play around and get a feel for what might be shared later from someone else. Recently, I have been connecting with another good reason for this: it gives me a chance to find MY way foremost, and so I will be able to find someone (if desired) who will groove with my style and what I want from the experience.

This kind of goes along with something I wrote on June 16, 2010:
One of the dads at park day yesterday was talking about how he does not read informative type books anymore (but lots of fiction). He said he found it was people sharing a way to a destination and so when people read the book or website, they adopt someone else's way instead of finding their own way. He said he may read a book title (like "How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen and Listen so Your Kids Will Talk", for example) and find his own way to get to that destination if he thinks it might be valuable for him and his kids.



And more from June 16, 2010. The remainder of this post will be from that date :))

How people learn has been a big thing I have been constructing and thoughtfully tossing around in my head for a while now...


This quote is a part of my understanding of it:

"If you want your children to be generous,
you must first allow them to be selfish.
If you want them to be disciplined,
you must first allow them to be spontaneous.

If you want them to be hard-working,
You must first allow them to be lazy.
This is a subtle distinction,
and hard to explain to those who criticize you.

A quality cannot be fully learned
without understanding its opposite."

William Martin

Me, April 2010:
Just as babies learn to crawl, and we know that there is importance to their development in this, I think kids learn to do other things as kind of precursors to later functioning. I am thinking about emotionally, cognitively, etc. They may not be learning how to _____, because there may be some "crawling" to be learned first :))



:: Every Experience Is a Gift ::
Perfectionistic parenting is rooted in the false idea that it's bad to make a mistake or fall short of one's expectations.

But if you think about it, you can derive value from *any* experience -- no matter how "bad" it is or how much pain it involves -- IF you're willing to look for the hidden gifts.

The one gift found in *every* negative experience is that it sharpens the contrast between what you want and don't want, giving you an opportunity to focus more powerfully on your desire.

When you fall short of your parenting ideals, you may be tempted to indulge in guilt or self-deprecation.
But then you'd be modeling violence against self and creating more negative experiences.
Today, if you find yourself facing unwanted circumstances, or failing to uphold your own standards, ask yourself, "What is the gift for me in this experience?"
Such gifts are more obvious in hindsight, but why not enjoy them *now*?
http://dailygroove.net/gift

I am a contrast kinda person. I am realizing this more and more in life. On one hand I very much value peace and harmony and kindness and such, AND I am also realizing the times when I am not living up to my own ideals are not my failures, not mistakes, not bad -- just a beautiful contrast to appreciate things on in the canvas of life, no judgment. Life needs lots of different things to move and evolve and bring things into our life. Sometimes it's "good" stuff, sometimes it's "bad" stuff, but it's all beneficial, and it's all relative.

Have you noticed how it is usually big contrasts that kind of give us purpose? I see it all over the place. I see how my hurts have made me want to be kinder to my children, how my over-productiveness makes me want to be lazy, living luge for someone else makes me want to live it for me. I see this in other's, too. I see how growing up in a religious background can send people in the very opposite direction. If they chose to dissent from something that was big, the new thing can be very meaningful for them. Or those "ah-ha" moments, where we weren't really aware of something until "BAM!" something happens that brings it to light and it becomes a place of advocacy for us. Contrast is amazingly purposeful.