I have been absent.
I have been fighting a big fight.
An hour after my last post about taking leaps of faith like a badass, CPS showed up at my friend's house, armed with allegations of medical neglect and a Sheriff, and took my kids.
I fought for 7 weeks to get them back, and now I have been fighting for the last week to recover from the experience.
Words cannot describe the hell I have been through, the trauma my children have been through, and I hope to be able to share more of it with you soon, when I can find the words, when reliving it to describe it doesn't leave me sobbing in a puddle on the ground.
It's a story that needs to be told.
What I can share is that after fighting tooth and nail for the truth to be revealed, my children were returned to me, the case dismissed, and we have no further CPS/court involvement.
Instantly. Like "poof".
Well, kinda like "poof", except for my family reeling in the aftermath.
That legal "poof" is incredibly rare. I owe the victory to Truth Revealed. And I feel like I live an epically charmed life for all of the blessings that fell into place to make this a reality. I had HUGE support from my Facetribe and a seriously dedicated team of magic-workers who helped plug me in to the resources that made this happen.
Not all families have that, and my heart breaks for them. I cannot imagine having gone through all of this without the constant ears and shoulders, encouragement, kindness, love, perspective, help, and ability to allocate such huge tasks that were set before me to such competent incredible beings.
I know this happened to me, to open me up to be more available to the families I look forward to serving.
This experience has transcended my life and my life purpose.
I hear I just leveled up.
A warrior forged by the fire of the phoenix.
Again.
Braver-er, wiser-er, heartier, take-no-bullshit-ier.
I broke. I was broken. I was shattered into heavy heavy pieces, trying to figure out how to live each moment.
I sunk deep. I tapped a deep inner source. A fire grew in my belly.
I touched the tangible primal inside me. I have raged against the night sky and in my mind and deep into the earth. I hear the primitive call of my tribe howling at the moon - my people calling for me. I feel the wild protector growing alive inside me. I feel my calling to not only help families design intentional lives but to help them prepare to protect it, because what is the point of a life intentionally designed if it can be ripped from you in a moment's notice for no good reason.
New lessons on being proactive and advocating for myself, when I used to cower. Love and kindness and peace are great, if they are a choice. But they are not powerful when they are a default of fear. And how can this be translated into helping my community?
Crystal clarity on relationships - specifically, the healthiness of certain relationships - in my life. And a "take no more shit" policy on people who mistook my kindness for weakness.
This warrior is what has transcended from the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. And there is more to me right now. I am bold, but I am also soft.
The trauma breaks my heart every day, and it sometimes cripples the empath in me. It takes some serious healing mojo to recover from something that big, especially when you feel like you have zapped your resources just to get through. How do you ask for more afterward?
But I must.
My children and I are free and clear, legally, but not emotionally or financially - our financial needs are overwhelming to me right now, after the financial waste of my resources CPS's hoops created for us. So, I set up a bit-o-fundraising, for beloveds and their beloveds who might have the heart and means to help heal us further.
This is me refusing to feel helpless in this destruction, refusing to sink into the depression of feeling "stuck" and "unable to..."
I look forward to offering my services again soon, to families, to mamas, to women, to brothers. Who could use an emotional midwife, a life design guide, a sacred mentor, and so much more.
I suspect, once I can taste my freedom, I will feel ready for that job again.
For now, what I am offering to my community is a legal service that is a buffet of legal equality, including the service that would have protected my family from the trauma of this experience. I am absolutely delighted to share this with my people, and if you want to know more about it, please feel free to contact me. This service is a win all around - it's an incredible company, offering an incredible service, to oh-so-deserving people ♥
This first post updating you all has been the hardest, and I am sure now that the dam has opened, the flow will come out easier ♥ I look forward to filling you in with the details as I can ♥
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