on healing

Hello, Loves ♥

The last few weeks have been a special kind of magic.

It started off really hard. And there are times when I still get really angry about the injustice of it all.

But we returned to our old community, and the deep thorough healing began.

Healing begins with creating space for it.

And surrounding oneself with an environment that supports + facilitates healing.

And being in our old space did just that.

Seeing my kids in their old parks and other hangouts.

It's like we slid into an old familiar groove. A groove of a life we loved.

Like training wheels.

Bumpers on either side of balance, to keep us closer to center.

Bringing us back to our path, back to a place we can regrow from.

And it brought on the healing. The crying into the arms of loved ones, the peace and the feeling of safety, the ability to sink deeply into this bliss, the releasing, and the space to effortlessly maintain all of it. This is just what the Divine Mother ordered ♥

It brought us back from that *other* life we were stuck in. And reminded us of Who We Are and how we roll.

For the first week here, I could barely breathe for the fear and stress. I knew I needed instant healing, but I couldn't figure out how to get there. I felt stuck in loops that always took me *there*.

My kids and I ended up going to a family yoga class (which was AWESOME),

and the guided meditation at the end hit home. I sunk into the groundedness and alignment, finally felt true om, and then refused to allow myself to rise from that place for any call.

And that was when it hit me that it was anxiety that I was needing instant healing from. And now that I am sunk deeply in this space of deep knowing, far from the seduction of perpetuating anxiety, I have opened up, unfolded, into this space of being okay.

Like I said, I still have moments where I get upset. Usually it is triggered by a tough moment that rings of "not fair", and I am learning how to navigate that, too.

But now I am in a space where I can.

I find healing in reevaluating my beliefs and seeing if I still believe in them, and how.

I find healing in assimilating the new beliefs I have found through all of this. And I look forward to being able to share those things, in a blog post or an e-book, or who knows what.

My journey seems to have led me to an opportunity to learn how to navigate this:

And not just in this specific experience, but maybe in the macrocosm of my life.

I have learned that for true deep healing to happen, I need to leave some things in my mind alone, until a later date when I can explore and understand them better. And to just be here and now. To experience the fullness that comes in caring for my children in the amazing ways I do.

I took a sabbatical from thinking about the technical parts of all of this, and decided to just sink into my beautiful life.

And it IS a beautiful life.

In the beginning, I would have surreal moments where I would be blown away thinking, "How could ANYONE think this is not enough?"

I remember when the kids were gone and I was struggling with the case worker presenting our life to the judge in such a way that I was thinking, "My kids have had rich depth experiences that many adults don't get to experience, much less children of a single mother. How many children of single mom's in this community will get to see and do all that my children have? And how can they not see the value in that?"

And now we get to just live it. Without fear (mostly). Now, we get to just live by our own measures.

And I can bask in the moments of bliss and richness that are strung across our day like prayer flags.



Exploring tide pools



Reading about tide pools at the library, with a rock that we found on the shore of the tide pools

How can anyone think my children are not being educated, taken care of, or prepared for life is beyond me.

Thankfully, my job not to understand them. It gets to be to just to keep living it.

One so super-blessed mama,

p.s. - I have some awesome new products and services coming out - some that have grown from this messed up experience. Like a whole e-book on healing practices. Stay tuned for details ♥