I wanted to cozy up on the loveseat and chat about life.
We have had a few big things shift in our life, and I would love to share them with you.
About 3 1/2 weeks ago, my darling oldest child slammed my cute little pinky finger in the van's side sliding door, and broke the little tender tip.
It.was.intense.
After about, what felt like 10 minutes, of scream-crying hysterically, I piled all the kids into the van and drove myself to the ER.
I have never felt pain like that.
It was way more intense than childbirth even, because it had no breaks.
And it was the weirdest sensation, like someone was squeezing one side of it, while my feeling was way off center (the broken part, I am assuming).
Thankfully, I just managed to be clear of needing any kind of intervention to relieve the blood pressure. The doctor (whose name was Socrates, by the way!!) gave me a splint and said it should heal fine.
Maybe it was the Tylenol they gave me, but after 2 hours, the sensations were less intense, and I was able to sleep.
The next day, I knew I didn't want to take pain medication for it. I just don't feel good about numbing pain. It doesn't align with my innards.
So, I pulled my intentions up by their bootstraps and decided that I was going to experience sensations, not pain. I was going to let them flow through me, not hold them in. I was going to talk about how my finger was healing, not about how bad it was, etc. I was not going to stress because I could feel my blood pressure in my pinky tip.
I took arnica to promote healing from the bruises, and I listened inward to what it needed.
I told it I loved it and that it was so brave. My other fingers on that hand were so sweet and gentle with their baby sister and told her how brave she was, and she felt strong and confident.
When I showered for the first couple weeks, the discoloration in my finger was so obvious, we called it my zombie finger. I was a tenth zombie :)
I have followed a healing regimen of taking the splint off a few times a day, rubbing it to promote circulation and bending it to the extent that it feels right. A couple times I considered going to a doctor, but I realized that I just wanted someone to assure me that the healing was on track, so, instead, I went inward and listened and trusted.
A couple days ago we went to the pool for the first time since it happened, and when I went into the jacuzzi, my finger seemed to come alive!! The circulation and range of motion were incredible! I could feel the very very tip, even!
I have been sleeping with the splint off the past few nights, and when I wake up, it is bending well and feeling great :) This morning, it feels at about 70% recovery! Yay :))
A few incredible insights have come from this experience.
I love that my understanding of feeling sensations in birth applied to this experience, too.
I had never broken anything before, and now I have. And it wasn't as bad as I always thought it would be. I have released that fear that I held onto about pain.
I went to give blood a couple weeks ago, and I wasn't afraid of the needle going into my arm to draw out a pint of blood (or however much they take), but I suddenly found myself worked up in anxiety over the finger prick (to check my iron levels). I have always been so so so afraid of those!!
And then it hit me. I broke my finger - this will be nothing!
Instant calm.
I am so much stronger and calmer for having broken my finger.
Isn't that amazing?
I am so grateful that it happened.
2013 is seriously rocking my socks so far.
Another big shift in our life is that Noble started going to the learning center with Kassidy 2 days a week.
The school is relaxed and fun-oriented. Although nothing short of a Sudbury school will be unschooly enough for me, he likes it and wants to keep going. We talk about it everyday.
I first enrolled him because I thought he might like to take a couple classes, and then it snowballed into 2 full days. The teachers are incredible - 1 of them wears her darling delicious little baby. It is an enrichment type program, not a school, so to speak. So there is a lot less pressure on it.
I am glad to change things up a bit for him. Our life feels a tad unexciting right now. I don't want to just wait for when we have more income or when we can travel, so I have been trying to do fun things in our area. But life feels a tad... comfortable right now.
An uncomfortable comfortable. We spend too much time at the same park and the same library and the same after-hours parking lot (free wi-fi).
The kids are starting to get restless in these spaces.
We are looking forward to some changes of scenery in our life asap. For now, the learning center is providing a welcomed change of scenery.
I wasn't really thinking about how time away from her Bobo would impact Jaja. It has been beautiful and amazing to see her unfold gently on her own terms.
She is so different when she isn't around Noble. She is calmer and more mature.
It has been some special time for us.
We read books at the library together, and then she plays on the kids computer, while I get some work done.
There is an incredible child development program at the YMCA, where we are members. And I hope to get Jaja in there those 2 days a week, so I will have 2 large blocks of time to focus 100% on working. The program is so incredible (almost identical to the program at the school I learned child development at), I wish I could get Noble in there, too. They are much more unschooly there :)
With 2 days to focus hard on work, I am hoping that I can get by with spending the other 5 more involved and focused on my kids.
Trying to grow a business while being a single mom living in a van has proven QUITE a challenge LOL Although, I am a warrior, I just would rather be allocating my energy in different ways.
I would feel better if my kids had more of my whole attention and time. I have so many wonderful ideas of ways we can spend time, when I don't have 1 eye buried in a business book, my laptop screen, or my journal planning, thinking, sorting.
I love this business stuff, but I look forward to setting up some times and spaces for different things.
I will share soon some of our ideas for things to do together ♥
So, what is new and beautiful in your life?
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