Well, I did it again...
I stopped shaving my head last year for reasons that had less to with my fill of a shaved head, and more to do with wanting to comfort my children and a romantic interest.
I was having some ick the past couple weeks. Stuck in the muck. Not flowing.
Anxiety. Control. Fear. Rage.
I kept trying to make it stop.
Laughable, of course.
I knew that there was some big lesson to get, some new barrier to love that I was going to realize and let go of.
And then I started listening to this song, and as my crying and healing started flowing, the word surrender came to me.
I realized that somewhere along the way, over the couple of weeks that I had been feeling the ick, I had started to close up, hold stuff in.
I cried some more. I thrust my chest toward the universe and cracked opened up my heart chakra. I practiced allowing all of the stuff I had been resisting over the past couple weeks. I cried some more.
And then I felt like the incredible goddess of flow that I am.
And I started to feel stuff falling away.
I sat with the feelings of inadequacy that were coming up since I put myself out there, wanting to open up this online space.
I knew there were going to be so many feelings coming. Feelings that I want to surrender to. Feelings I want to feel, not push away or numb in any way.
I am ready to walk through the fire.
I am a firewalker.
I am a phoenix.
My birth name means butterfly, and I always related to that, but now I am a badass phoenix.
I am going to fly straight into the fire, perish, and be reborn anew and more badass.
I am a warrior. A warrior monk ♥
Well, a warrior monk needs the right 'do for the job.
Shaving my head opens me up to the energy of the universe in ways that hair stifles me.
I knew immediately that I needed to shave my head.
So, I did.
It wasn't the same PAZOW! that it was last time. I knew what to expect.
But jeez, there is something magical about those clippers buzzing off the hair I no longer appreciated.
The radiance seeped in quickly, and I felt myself aglow.
I returned my friend's clippers, and he (being the meticulous one he is) saw some spots I had missed, and touched them up for me. As he was buzzing my head, I thought how perfect it was.
The first time I shaved my head, my kids helped me. And this time, my friend who helped me find peace in the simplicity of this life, just by his peaceful being, was helping me facilitate my simple soulful being.
And once the over-stimulation eased, I couldn't stop touching my head and rubbing it on things, like a kitty :)
It was an old friend, a dear, and dearly missed one.
I am zen.
And I am here, in this present fully. And I am ready to experience the sensations of firewalking.
And I love you so ♥
2 comments:
Last year out of the blue, my 11 year old unschooled daughter decided that she wanted all her hair shaved off. I was a little taken aback and let her request it a few times (just to make sure that's what she really wanted) before I helped her with her desire.
It was a really strange experience for me more than it was her.
She didn't care that people called her a boy or thought she was "weird". She said it made her feel free and she didn't care what people thought.
I think the lesson in the whole experience was meant for me.
It takes a really authentic person to go against the grain of what society expects.
That is so awesome! Shaving my head the first time was a huge experience for me, and for understanding other people's stuff. I got so clear on what was mine and what was someone else's. I also learned that, just as this was my head to do what i want with and just hair (the lessons from the hair experiences are greater), i would not stop my children from shaving their dreads off or whatever they might choose to do. I realized i could appreciate their journeys more, like i wanted people to appreciate mine and not cling to my curls.
I still just really love that your 11 year old chose to do that. How incredibly empowering, especially at that stage in development!
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