Overthinking

I am infamous for overthinking. This from the mom who took 6 months of heavy researching before feeling comfortable pulling my oldest out of public school to homeschool her. This from the student who did avid research (complete with color-coded highlighting and post-it notes) on every possible major I could be interested in before committing to one in my first semester of school LOL

Overthinking is literally making me sick, though. Today, it gave me a migraine. So, tonight, I am deciding to be dedicated to clearing my head out. I went to sleep last night making plans about an RV that I saw yesterday, and spend my entire night of "sleep" in some nightmare pergatory of plans and stress and worry.

Enough is enough.

The good news is that I am getting more and more comfortable with being flakey LOL I keep wanting to be committed to something that I say I am interested in, but I am still swimming in a sea of options where one looks more appetizing than another at any point in time. So, I feel flakey when I post on Facebook that I can see us in that RV and that I want it, and today I have to tell everyone nevermind, it's not as perfect as I had hoped for it to be. And that wouldn't be so bad, except I kinda posted (and emailed everyone who I thought would care) last week about how I wanted to travel in my van with a pop-up trailer, which also fell through.

What I am realizing with each of these experiences is that there are so many different ways to travel, and that we are testing the depths of each one for our commitment comfort level. I should be proud of myself for backing out once I realize my lack of commitment afterall, instead of sticking with some plan just because I showed a lot of initial interest :) In addition to learning about travel and about travelling, I am learning about the process inside myself. And I am learning that although driving a veggie-powered radmobile is a dream of mine, it doesn't have to be this first step in my journey -- it can be a dream for another day.

The truth is, each of these modes of transport hold a different idealness about it, a piece to the puzzle of the ideal nomadic home. And any one of those specialities may feel more important at different times. Let me try to make a list of these qualities I have so far found to be important to us, and maybe you can help me send rockets of desire out into the universe to bring us what is perfect for our family :))

• the better gas milage the better
• pretty good ability to moderate the inside temperature
• spacious-feeling inside (including entry into vehicle)
• relatively short from bumper to bumper
• room inside to rip out some accessive seating for a kids table and a cat climber
• a loft-type bed above the driver's coach for Kass
• fairly modern appliances, lighting, and switches
• a dinette (2 benches with a table in the middle)
• bathroom at the back, spacious enough for this big mama to not feel crammed in
• a full-size bed tucked into a corner in the back for me and the babies, ideally (but I would sacrifice it for better gas milage if it made a big enough difference)
• upholstery on chairs that I can live with (leather is best, because it is easiest to clean -- sorry, vegan friends <3)

Okay, so I started this post a couple days ago, and I stopped writing it because I had a raging headache that has persisted for days. I didn't want to post it unfinished, but I can't put too much more effort into it right now, because my tension headache is threatening to start pounding again if I don't listen to it's plea for me to stop thinking about this stuff. Just gonna share some pics of the RV I *think* (today) I really want. The only thing I don't like about it is the typical RV gas mileage, which I wish I could somehow get around and still have everything I love about this RV inside and out. Meet Jam: