The Joy of Following My Flow

Before I write about the joy of flow, or what following my flow looks like, I wanted to share what me resisting the flow feels like. I've been doing a lot of it for a long time.

Sounds reasonable, right? I mean, questioning is why I know what I know, why I am where I am.

But I guess I learned a few disclaimers for myself. What about "rest when you find your answers" or "if the goal is bliss, ignorance may work just as well for some things, too" and "you get to pick what". What about "information is inevitably skewed, so don't completely believe someone else unless it resonates for you". And "if you feel yourself going crazy from too much questioning, just be".

I'm tired of questioning everything, and I'm tired from questioning everything -- it was a great ride, but I'm gonna pick the merry-go-round for a while. I can't live on the roller coaster -- I don't have the stomach for it. So, when I need some movement in my life, I think I will try questioning things, but sometimes I just want to be happy with where I am at. How about this one instead:

I like the possibility and empowerment, rather than being told what to do and filled with fear.

Sometimes self-trust means we don't question everything.

So, that long tangent was brought to you by the thought that constantly questioning everything interrupts my flow. I have learned that once I arrive at an answer that works for me, I'm gonna ride that flow until I feel like it isn't working for me anymore.

Other than questioning everything, the other thing I've noticed so far that interrupts my flow is trying to force something just because I *think* it is right, or not go a direction the flow is taking me because I think that direction is not right.

A couple years ago, my oldest decided she wanted to go to public school. Because I *think* unschooling is right, I was resistant to the idea. I wanted to try a lot of other things first, including lots of talking about the wonderful perfectness of unschooling and how it took time to appreciate and how it would all be different (better) after I had the baby in 3 weeks. I was resistant because I felt her desire to go was coming from outside influences, rather than from inside of her naturally. Then, I got a glimpse of her excitement about going, and I decided it didn't matter whether it was "nature" or "nurture" that made her want to go -- it was all the same desire to her! I decided to enthusiastically support my daughter in her self-guided choice, regardless. When I stepped into her flow, I was able to witness and partake in her joy. Because she had my support and connection, she was able to freely learn from the experience, get what she wanted from it, and decide after 2 weeks that it wasn't for her afterall. She has been very happy at home for almost 2 school years now :)

I am learning to apply that same "enthusiastic support" to myself in areas I have questioned, like beauty for myself and my home -- I was so "functional" for so long. "But I know this about myself, now - I cannot live with practical alone, my life needs poetry." So, I am riding the waves of flow in my life, and I am in awe of the joy resulting. In essence, I am following my bliss (Joseph Campbell). I am also in awe of the living-learning (instead of reading-learning) happening. I am learning about myself, about my worries, about my goals, about my abilities from the inside out. And I'm really loving the scenery in this flow.

Flow comes from letting go and being one with my task or my experience. When I just let it flow, it is almost like a life orgasm. Another example of this is that I have been listening to music during the day when I get stuff done. I crank up the hip-hop and dance like no one is looking. When I can actually stop self-consciously imagining what I look like, I feel the flow and the dancing takes over me, and I feel like I did so many years ago when I needed a drink at the club to get my hips unstiff (love making up words). Have I mentioned recently that I am perfectly fine with being uncool? I'd rather be real and joyful and warm and exploding with life than cool :)) I'd rather ride the flow and chance looking like an idiot to someone who doesn't get it, than avoid the orgasmic flow of life that stems from vulnerability and perfect pleasure.

The flow is like floating down a river -- the mountains the river flows through are my intentional lifestyle choices. When I question myself, it's like putting my foot down whilst floating, and resisting the flow is like trying to force it down a certain path. I've decided I want to just float along for a while and see where I'm at :))

Enjoy following the joy of your flow :)