Rethinking Everything (not the conference)

So, I have been thinking about this whole living-on-the-road thing... hahaha, what an understatement :)) And no surprise, I am sure. I woke up the next morning looking into my closet (where my bed faces) and thinking, "By many people's standards, this is a wonderful life.... but it's not for me." I am not meant to have all this stuff. It's a weight I cannot bear, was not made to bear. I have lived out of a dufflebag with glee. THAT is the life for me.

So, I went and reread my last blog post and pulled out a few things that really stood out for me:

• a prettier cage -- that is kinda what ANY stick house would be for me
• in the NOW, everything is fine -- if I project this into the future, taking life moment by moment, I KNOW everything will be fine, regardless
• manifestational muscle -- I need to work this muscle out, so that I can make my life what I truly dream it to be... I think I have been working my fear and negativity muscle out -- I need my old habits back

So, I started thinking, my biggest fear is that living on the road is not going to be what I think it is, and I will have given all of this up for it. So, I decided I will consider a trial run. I won't give up my free rent and such for 3 months, and I will live on the road and see if it is, indeed, what I think it will be. I like the option of that plan :)))

Then I started thinking about something else that I wrote in my last post: "why do I want to disconnect from this day-in-day-out?" And I realized that there is too much responsibility, too much weight. I was not made for this, regardless of what other people's standards are. I am a minimalist to the core of me. I have not been living sustainably for me -- I have been living too big, even though it could be described by others as simply. It's not simple enough for me.

So, I started making a list of what I really need:

• a bed
• a bathroom
• a place to store and prep food

And then it crept in, while I was making that list: my fear of moving into the bus, my fear that I won't be able to handle it was more from the primitive set up, than the simple one. I loooooooove simplicity, but partially because I am picky about the simple things I use. I can't say I would be thrilled to empty a compost toilet after the novelty wears off (once or twice). I will probably miss cooking on a stove when my option is removed from my life. And I will surely need an electrical outlet where there isn't one on a converted bus.

Then I thought, the Leapley's RV really would be perfect for me.... It has a BIG bed (plenty big for the babies and me), a couch that converts to another bed (perfect for Kass -- although, we might switch that arrangement out), a space for Noble's play table, a dinette (table with 2 benches on either side), a kitchen with stove and oven and fridge and all, a bathroom with a shower, a large closet, and upper shelving. That is perfectly what we need (not too much or too little). The best oart about their RV is that I love the layout! It feels very open and spacious inside. Something like that with a diesel engine that I could convert to run on waste veggie oil would be ideal for us.

I really want something small, and I think a bus would be too big for us. I don't want a house on wheels, I want a studio with a small loft on wheels. Not to mention, an RV the size of the Leapley's (20+ feet), I could be very comfortable driving everywhere -- I was a bit worried about how I would find parking in a parking lot in a gigantic bus. I drove a wheelchair bus for a living for 7 years, so I know I could get really cozy driving an RV, but a long long LONG bus would take too much work to do every little detail of life (like go get groceries or go to a laundry mat).

So, that was as far as I got to thinking yesterday. Well, except I searched RVs on Craigslist and got an idea of what I was looking at. I even found an RV like the one the Leapley's have, for $2,700. I would have paid much more than that for the bus and getting it cozy inside, when all was said and done (you know, a toilet, a stove and fridge, etc). And this way, I can sell more of my stuff (instead of using it for the inside of the bus).

I am really excited about all of this thinking. And then my dear friend, Cindy Leapley, sent me the name of a page to "like" on Facebook, which brought me to the blog Gypsy Dreaming, where she talked about the stress of having to sell their house before hitting the road, and it made me realize how lucky I am to be renting before I go. And then it made me realize how lucky I am to be having free rent for now, so we are not spending money on rent that we could be spending on the RV. And how great it is to have time to get this all together without feeling like I am wasting money on rent that could be put into an RV. I like this angle :)))

So, here I am. I am prepared to give up the wonderful things that I love about living in a stick house here, the community I am just learning and loving, and our dear friends and family.... Everyone who hits the road has things to give up, and I am okay with not being happy about leaving some stuff behind. My life doesn't have to be a total ease to give up for me to be available to do it.

Also, I was thinking, as I read a few road-living family blogs in the last couple days, that we can stay as long as we want to. I know most people take off from places after a few days or maybe a week or 2, but who says we can't spend an entire month with a family that we love? Who says we can't stay for 2 months, or however long it takes for the road to becon us again? We can have the best of both of those worlds, too! We can go whenever we want to and stay as long as we want to :)))))

If I was going to put a diesel engine in the bus, I can do that for an RV, too :)) It's all good :)))

It really is all good :))))))))))))))

Maybe it is Mercury coming out of retrograde? But I feel free and prepared again :)))))

Speaking of "timing" -- happy rebirth celebration day!!!! I am off to do the egg dying and egg hiding and basket filling thing :)