I Get It

My fears about living in a home-on-wheels are not the typical ones that people have to process to be comfortable with something. I have already lived on the road, and my fears are tangled up with the stuff my mom carried around about our experience of it. We lived like a cat always lands on their feet -- my mom attributed it to luck. It was a heavy weight for my mom to carry alone (single mama), and she finally broke under the strain of it.

I am afraid of breaking down somewhere I don't want to be -- not because of some random concern, but because this happened to us. My mom and my brother and I would get stranded at a relative's house who didn't approve of how my mom was living or parenting us, or at one of her boss' houses, while we waited for money or work to come in.

My fears about what will happen after we don't want to live in a bus anymore are rooted pretty deeply in what happened with us after transitions (stuff in storage in another state more than once, a crummy place to live)...

But I am not my mother, and our situation is so different from the ones I experienced as a kid, and the world is a very different place!

I was already on the path to trusting and having faith, but exploring these differences helped me really get it. I have no fears. ...When I was pregnant with Najaia, I was petrified of what was ahead of us. I was 100% excited and I was 100% scared. I was afraid to bring her into the world, because once she was here, all the changes would begin. I was afraid those changes would move too fast for me. I didn't have faith that it was going to happen at a comfortable rate and that the universe was conspiring in my favor.

I am trying to find my faith :))

Well, this was an adventure in finding my faith, but now faith has nothing to do with it -- I have reasoned it out! Here it goes....

I am not my mother.

Let's just keep it short and sweet and say that I am starting this journey from a place of confidence and intactness, and that I have peace and joy of presence in things like not knowing and impermanence. I have complete faith to surrender entirely to the adventure, and I am okay with investing every bit of everything into it and knowing that it will be successful. I don't need a man or a partner to feel secure, and I don't need the security my mom did. I surrender that security to the whims of the universe who conspires in my favor, to my tribe sisters and families who will always support and assist me, and to my inner self who will only be soaringly successful when I let go of fear and manifest and liberate the phoenix inside me.

Our situation will be so different than the one from my childhood.

Firstly, and most importantly, we will be travelling in our home, not in a van with a home filled with stuff and bills somewhere that we are responsible for. Everything will be in one nice neat space: our home, our vehicle, our responsibility. No rent elsewhere or stuff elsewhere. If we were to break down, everything our life revolves around is still right there. If we broke down somewhere we didn't want to be (like those family members who weren't our first pick for a stop), we are in our home, just with a different view than may be our favorite. If we are waiting for money to come in, we are still in our home. Everything we own and love is with us at all times, so whatever happens, we are at home.

Another huge difference between my mom's travelling and our's is that my mom had a handful of relatives in Oklahoma and Texas who didn't approve of her to visit along the way, but I have an internet tribe who love and support us scattered all over the U.S.! And I am soooooooo good at tribes <3

The world is a very different place.

We have the internet! Need I say more? Okay, I'll add some more :))

We have internet-connecting forums and information for people who live on the road (and those numbers seem to be more than ever), and those forum members help each other out -- be it a fellow roadschooling family, or a single roadliving person who can recommend a campsite or diagnose an engine problem, provide a washer/dryer or point us in the direction of a trust-worthy mechanic. Internet forums for both "full-timers" and unschoolers are a tribe of themselves.

Speaking of a tribe of unschoolers. Unschoolers are like a secret society, and you are automatically in if you share the title and especially if you share the language :)) And wherever we go, there are bound to be unschoolers, or hippies (who are another secret society -- or not so secret LOL). We can connect with tribe-members along the way, and they can direct us in their expertises of the area. Maybe we can set up a little gypsy camp and sell our wares? Who knows, but I DO know that unschoolers are sympathetic to our unconventional lifestyle and to our means to make ends meet in a variety of creative ways, and will do what they can :))

And I have an already established, already connected tribe sprinkled all over the U.S. (and beyond) who we can visit. Did I mention that already? Well, I can't mention it enough. Those mamas are kinda my reason for hitting the road. My itenerary will be based on their locations <3 Our map will look like a series of beelines :)))

Lastly, the world is different because this is more common than ever, and businesses are supportive -- so many businesses allow people to "boondock" in their parking lots. And the internet allows the opportunity to more easily purchase memberships to state parks and camp for free or cheap.

This is going to be MY exprience, not my mom's <3 And I am so excited about that fact :)))