My Gift to the World

As far back as I can remember, I have always wanted to help. I was a child advocate for Greenpeace and a vegetarian for about half of my pre-mom life. I worked with people with developmental disabilities for 7 years (until I had Noble and just couldn't bear to leave him). I have formally educated myself and informally grown with the intention of being the best me I can be to give my best to the world. I had the oddest experience when I was about 22 that opened my heart to what I feel is my calling. I feel like it is my calling to be a guru.

A guru you may ask? Believe me, no one questions my ability to be a guru more than I do. I have these doubts about my knowledge and about my leaderships skills and about my ability to really offer something useful to people and about my own ability to live all that I value in a way that I see the ideal of a guru doing.

And then... I grow a bit more in my love of myself as I am, and I think that people could use a bit of that. And I think about how women have shared with me that I have inspired them, and I realize that maybe I don't need to appeal to *everyone* to be a guru. I think about how some of the most influential people in the history of my life have been interestingly flawed, encouragingly real, and deeply vulnerable, and I think "Hey, I have lots of that!" I realize that some of the reasons why stuff people have written or said touched me was because the originator had a way of connecting with people in a way that touched them, and I know that I have that. I think of people like Gandhi and Mother Teresa and so many more, and realize the biggest thing they have in common is living boldly by their self-formulated truths, and I think I can get in that flow. And I think what could people use more of in their lives, and I look at my life, and I look at the recent pieces I have put together to find my own peace, and I realize I think I have plenty to offer <3

So, what is a guru? Well, whilst writing that last paragraph, I did a search and found the wikipedia definition and examples. Have I mentioned before just how much I love wikipedia? Community-created anything is my favorite, and it always offers so much more than just a definition. So, here are some bits that stood out to me on that page (bold = mine):

...refer to a wise and knowledgeable figure who can guide and shed light in the time of need

As an adjective, it means 'heavy,' or 'weighty,' in the sense of "heavy with knowledge,"[3] heavy with spiritual wisdom,[4] "heavy with spiritual weight,"[5] "heavy with the good qualities of scriptures and realization,"[6] or "heavy with a wealth of knowledge."[7] The word has its roots in the Sanskrit gri (to invoke, or to praise), and may have a connection to the word gur, meaning 'to raise, lift up, or to make an effort'.[8]

Another etymology of the word "guru" found in the Guru Gita, includes gu as "beyond the qualities" and ru as "devoid of form", stating that "He who bestows that nature which transcend the qualities is said to be guru".

In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna speaks to Arjuna of the importance of finding a guru: Acquire the transcendental knowledge from a Self-realized master by humble reverence, by sincere inquiry, and by service. The wise ones who have realized the Truth will impart the Knowledge to you.

Alright, so that is the extent I will research the meaning of "guru", because I am going to explore the essence and put my personal spin on it (every sect needs an individual philosophy, right?).

It seems to me that the essence of a guru is one who has done a lot of work to attain something that they want to share with people who want to follow, with the goal of them finding their own transcendence from the wisdom.

I don't think a guru is someone who is "complete" or "finished" or "perfect", but someone who has come far enough to have attained something they want to share. I do feel a spiritual and sacred reverence for the word guru and the role that comes with it. For me, "guru" has a "higher self" implication, like self-love and self-purpose and meaning and other deep and foundational parts to being whole.

Most importantly, being a guru, to me, doesn't mean I am "better" than anyone, which is what has stopped me the most in my comfort with identifying as a guru. I know I am not better than anyone, and I didn't think I was ready to identify as a guru because I knew I wasn't. And, as it turns out, I wasn't supposed to feel better. I was supposed to be aware of what I had to offer. Being a guru, to me, means only that I have something to offer that I have worked very hard to attain for myself.

I think that the essence of my guru philosophy is self trust, through vulnerability, strength, self-guided learning and living, leaning into and releasing anxiety and discomfort, feeling, healing, connection, realness, growth, impermanence... I think my gift to the world is just me, in all the perfect imperfection of who I am today, who I was 10 years ago, who I will be in another 10 years. Me, with my big mama body (not after losing 40 or so pounds), with my broken-toothed radiating smile, with my afro-style too-short hair, with my rough and tumbly family sometimes, with my messy home, with my social anxieties that can cripple me. Just me. All of me. If I can accept me as I am, I know that you can lean into accepting you as you are, regardless. I know reading that may caused a swell of "except"s, "but"s, and "besides"s... We have time <3

And, for me, I think my true guru style is one of co-guru-ness (like my completely made up word?). In offering my truth to you on a very personal and connective way, you offer me your truth and I grow and learn and love better, too.

So, I am going to get settled in my new identity, and hopefully, it will shine through my big surprise tomorrow <3