Play Fighting

Posted this elsewhere in January of this year.  Wanted to share it here:

This has been one of the biggest at my home, recently. Noble loves loves LOVES to play this way; guns, swords, karate, the whole shabam. Being a peacemonger, this was concerning to me. I was constantly worried over the future reprocussions of the whole thing: what was my son going to become by playing this way? And I also worried (and sometimes still do) about people's perspectives on his playing like that and [enter: the HORROR] me letting him or even playing with him and "encouraging him". Now, I feel very differently... I see all of his play as his way of processing life and the things that he has seen and heard, etc. I see this as his way of exploring it and figuring out just where he stands with it, and I trust that he will stand in a place that aligns with HIM. I also see that by accepting this form of play as "as valuable" or "not less valuable" than any other kind of play, I am not creating a complex for my child over it, and I am loving him unconditionally and non-judgmentally. I still find myself sharing with strangers, in hopes that they will not judge him or I things like, "He is experimenting with good guy/bad guy these days - right now, he is a bad guy." I hope to feel comfortable enough in the future that I don't worry about other people's opinions on the matter. There was a lot more to this during the process, but I have internalized it so fast, and I don't rememberwhat all else went into my insight on this topic. I just know that my judgement on this style of play has disipated, and I hope he finds plenty of kids to play with :)

My friend, MB, shared this* on it:
playful parenting has some good stuff on this topic, as i recall. (author: lawrence cohen). i took away some of the same types of thoughts you are sharing here... the main one being that playing through these themes is how children get THROUGH them rather than stay stuck in them, and embracing that type of play as the parent helps them process through it much more easily, thoroughly, and be much less stuck... he had some good tips of how to actually go about doing this.

My friend, Grace K. shared this*:
Great insight! Yet another parenting idea you have brought up that I hope to internalize. I can totally wrap my brain around that. Children play that way to experiment with the ideas of morality, good and bad, and what it means to them.

I shared this:
The great thing about guns is that we don't need physical ones, they find a way if they want to play with them bad enough - you can't take away their fingers! LOL Also, I have found that not having any judgment on my kids' forms of play makes them nonissues - I would hate to cause complexes in them by not allowing them or in any way diverting them. If it is something my son loves, I love it as much as I would love any other interest he has. That is my current truth on that. It has been a wonderful journey, to watch him grow and develop, and to watch myself. My views on play are very different than they were not too long ago. I REALLY see play as a way of processing life and of finding joy, in whatever form that may be, and I have found that I trust my son to know what is best for him and what interests him, and I fully support that, because I see it all as beneficial, even if only in ways that he understands. And, once again, but I can never say it enough (affirmations and all :), I trust my son <3
What an amazing journey parenthood is <3
 
My friend Kim C. shared this*:
as a mom of a son who was forever making guns and swords as a tot, whether I let him have those kinds of things or not, I didn't want him to feel 'wrong' or bad for his innocent play. Also, there I believe testotrone does trigger desires to protect. He is acting out as hero, and my son would do this, as he got older his ideas of hero got more sophisticated, and now he totally into world peace.
he out grew guns and swords, around 5, I can't remember all i know is he was playing this way at 2 and 3. he is 11 now, and only plays this way if a toddler wants to engage him in a sword fight, and he is open and loving to little kids and letting them have glee and fun.
he is strongly against wars, and avoids shoot up movies too, and I let go of trying to control his play, my dh told me he played similarly as a young child, and he grew up to be pacifist overall. (he will protect in moments of emergency or attack)
 
* = editted to extract essence of topic :)