What is Unschooling?

Got this from the Rethinking Everything Conference preview (2010) e-mail.

What is Unschooling?

Unschooling, aka self-design, open source learning, or free range
education, is not something that we do to our children but largely a
process of unlearning, or rethinking, for us parents. Most of us are
products of the traditional school system which convinced us that
learning only happens when people with power over us - teachers,
parents - force, coerce or otherwise "motivate" us to absorb
information that people with power over teachers - education and
developmental experts - decided that we should know.

We were all born with a drive to learn that is more compelling than
almost any other instinct.
If we step back from the power struggles,
we can be allies with our children in learning, solving problems and
creating what John Holt called
"a life worth living and work worth doing."
Unschooling is deprogramming, healing, regenerating.
It is remembering to relax and trust our own and our children's
innate ability
to choose ideas and activities
that promote lifelong learning and growth.

How Does Unschooling Work?

Lives of the unschooled vary with each person and each family.
Unschooling can cost nothing or cost a million bucks. Unschooling at
its most fundamental is child-led learning, based upon the child's
interests, developmental readiness, motivation and abilities, and
nurtured by parents and the community, their environment, geography,
curiosity, and each nurturing participant's skills, talents and
enthusiasm for life. Each hour or each day may be different for the
unschooled child/teen or even routine and structured if the child
thrives on elements of routine.

There is no formula for unschooling how-to; the process of listening,
communicating, sharing ideas, exposure to people, places and events
begins to set the course for the directions an unschooled child will
desire his life to go.

Unschooling is a diverse and organic process
of discovering the world and one's place in it,
all on the child's terms.

Everything from sleeping/awake patterns, meal times, food
preferences, the extent to which she desires socialization, her
interest in reading, writing, playing, daydreaming, cleaning,
traveling, inventing, creating, etc. etc. now falls into the
empowered realm of the unschooled child, all occurring or not as a
function of the big wide world of internal and external stimulation
which enters her world constantly.

Whether the unschooled child spends hours behind a book, a
calculator, a computer, video games, playing fantasy games with
friends or alone, all is determined by the unschooled child and
nurtured by those who care for and about her.

In the unschooling family, parents are often challenged to unschool
themselves in the process, meaning that they too begin striving for
more freedom-to-be and following the dreams and desires they have for
themselves.

A successful unschooling family will be one where each person is not
only able to ask for and fulfill their ongoing preferences but each
is nurturing and supportive of the others.

Communication, experimentation, equality
and unconditional love are elements of
an unschooling family at its best.

The logistics of how, why and who does what in such a family is both
revolutionary and magical. The dynamics of every family are
critically different and the nuts and bolts of achieving harmony vary
accordingly. Such are the topics of the Rethinking Everything
conference!

How to Begin Unschooling

Watch your child and look for clues that tell you he is interested or
ready for something. This is happening all the time.

Fill your home with resources that excite your child and the list
will be different for each child. Inexpensive materials can be had
through store sales, thrift stores, hand-me downs, gifts, garage
sales. Many materials can be hand-made and books on how to make them
available through your library or interlibrary loan.

Teach yourself to be resourceful in ways that foster your child's
curiosities. For example, if your child is bored with the local
parks, find new parks in new communities. If your child wants more
pets but you are at your pet limit, find others who can give him the
exposure to animals he is looking for: farms, pet stores, zoos,
rehabilitation organizations, pet sitting, etc.

Don't follow any compulsion you feel for purchasing text books unless
your child asks for them. When she asks for them or for the type of
learning that only a textbook can offer, buy or borrow them! Just
because a child wants school books or college or structure - or
school for that matter - does not mean that unschooling is not taking
place. Remember that unschooling is simply child-led learning. When
she loses interest in the books, put them aside.

Expose your child to everything under the sun, and especially more of
those things that are of interest to him - there are no limits to
what they should or should not know; your child will make it clear to
you how much information he needs at any given time.

Subscribe to magazines and buy/borrow books that follow your child's
interests, rent/buy DVDs, venture out and find people who can foster
your child's interests and curiosities. It's OK and totally normal to
not have all the answers and in fact, a valuable learning experience
for both of you. Tell your child honestly when you don't know a thing
or have never thought about what he is talking about or asking for.
Brainstorm together on how you find out what your child wants or
needs to know.

Stop telling your child what to do. If a thing must be done, such as
brushing one's teeth or leaving the house to shop, etc. and your
child does not want to do it, treat him the way you would like to
have someone treat you in similar circumstances: sometimes being
straightforward and rational and honest is most effective, sometimes
turning it into play works. Respectful communication and your child's
critical need to trust what you tell him will allow each of you to
want to help meet each other's needs and enjoy doing it.

Don't worry when it seems like your child is just playing all day -
developmental experts agree that huge amounts of play are critical to
their development of intelligence. Some experts believe that play
should be all we do, whether we are "working" or not. (Shouldn't work
be play?)

Play dates and times should always be set by the child, not the
parent. If you cannot accommodate your child's wish to have a friend
spend as much time at your house as you believe is possible, for
example, help your child figure out how she can meet her needs in
other ways.

Encourage your child to spend their time in ways that bring them
feelings of joy and contentment. Do not put yourself in the position
of being an enforcer of all that your fear and experience tell you
she should be doing with her time. Bribery, coercion, punishment and
rewards do not work and only make your life more stressful and
difficult. Never use time-out. Discipline is never useful or
productive - self-discipline is the only discipline that works and
is achieved on each child's own timetable, on their own terms.

Recognize how important role-modeling is:
what your child sees you do every day,
what he hears you say about yourself and
others, how you treat yourself and others,
are the most important things your child will
pay attention to, learn from, and pattern.

There are no short-cuts or tricks here. You must learn to be a true
model of your ideal. Once you have achieved a good measure of living
up to your own expectations, don't expect your child to follow suit.
For example, if he sees you working hard every day doing the things
you love to do, he very well may have no interest in the same things
you do, but rather will learn that he wants to spend his time doing
the things he loves to do.

When tempted to share with your child how fearful you are that they
will not learn all that you believe they should learn, write it down
instead. Keep notes on your feelings, observations, ideas and
compare them from time to time. Find others to talk to about your fears.

Unschool support groups are great resources, as are books, magazines,
email lists, websites, etc. With your child, focus instead on what
they ARE interested in. When your unschooled child spends all his
time in a math book, don't talk to him about how he should be reading
instead. If he wants to play video games all day, get him more video
games.

When the interest is fostered unconditionally,
any contrary or rebellious motive for
behavior will fall to the wayside and allow
true interests and skills to develop.

Unschooling results in rich, creative and powerful lives on each
person's terms. Living in community, whether it's with a family, an
extended family, a town or the big world, with respect for each
person's need to understand themselves and be true to their unique
and ever-changing desires allows each person to honor those values in
each other.

Unschooling does not result in out-of-control chaos: it results in
communities of people who listen to each other, respect each other's
wishes and desires, supporting the community's commonly agreed upon
goals.

How will your unschooling community evolve?

I love this review from a first-time 2009 attendee:

"We had a wonderful time! From the thought provoking lessons and
conversations to the constant enjoyment displayed on each child's face.
My little rocker was heartbroken when we had to go home.
He did not want to leave behind all of his friends, fun,
and positive/loving energy and environment.
I learned a lot more about myself than I thought I would
and saw so much posibility and growth in myself and my family."